


Cut Me Deep

by prcttyodd



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abuse, Finding Strength, M/M, Recovery, abuse recovery, dean isn’t the abuser, finding happiness, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-02-06 01:01:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 18
Words: 26,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12806166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prcttyodd/pseuds/prcttyodd
Summary: Castiel Novak is in an extremely toxic and abusive relationship, and has no way out of it, it seems.His best friend, Dean Winchester, constantly asks him why he can't get out of it. He has no clue of the threats that Castiel receives on a daily basis, and what he thinks would happen if he were to leave the relationship. So Dean vows to protect Cas, from any and all danger.Dean is also struggling with what exactly he feels for Cas, he cares for his friend greatly, but maybe it's maybe even more than that... maybe not. Maybe. No. Yes. No. What? Either way, he wants Cas away from his abuser.Then, suddenly, things go a bit too far between Cas and his abuser, and Dean steps in, not knowing what it would lead to.[AU]





	1. Notes

EXTENDED SUMMARY: 

Castiel Novak in an abusive relationship. His best friend Dean Winchester always tell him to walk out, but he can't. What Dean didn't know was that if Cas did leave, he would most likely end up dead. Then things go a bit far, Dean steps in, and it leads to something that they both never expected. 

XX 

NOTES: 

Yes, this story was already published before, but with a different ship that I no longer like, so it was becoming hard to write it. And I wanted to continue it, so I republished it as a Destiel book! (That being said, all of the chapters will be the same, or at least the first 5 or 6 I have written at the time of the A/N,  so if you happen to see a name that's not spn related and doesn't belong, tell me and I'll fix it right away!) 

IMPORTANT THINGS: 

 

•As for warnings, I think you guys know what's going on just from reading the description. Mentions and graphic scenes of abuse. I don't want to give anyone flashbacks or anything of the sort, so exit now if you are sensitive to these topics. If you still want to read, just watch out for chapters marked with a (!) in the title. Those are the ones that contain scenes that are potentially triggering. 

•Of course, I do not condone violence and abuse. Nor am I going to glorify it or make it seem less than it is. As one who was in an abusive relationship myself, I can tell you right now, it ain't fun. And this is based lightly off my own experiences, so nothing will be sugarcoated. Abuse is extremely serious and should be taken serious in all cases whether it be physical, mental, emotional, or all of the above. It ain't easy and it doesn't go away. 

•this is of course a normal AU! castiel's current "boyfriend" in the book is a completely fictional character that is not affiliated with supernatural at all!


	2. 1.

(!)= mature content. Scenes/mentions of abuse, and they are pretty graphic and triggering. please stay safe and don't read on if this will bother you. 

XX 

Castiel Novak sometimes wondered what he did to deserve such a shitty hand in life. 

He had never done anything bad in his entire life. He had never stolen, lied(well he had lied before, but he had always ended up breaking down and telling the truth eventually), and he wouldn't hurt a butterfly, yet here he was, covered in bruises and scared for his life. 

You probably guessed it by now, but Castiel was in an abusive relationship. He has been with his boyfriend, Matt, for almost 3 years now. 

And none of those three years have been a walk in the park. 

Cas woke up in fear, spent his days in fear, and went to sleep in fear. The cycle repeated itself each day. 

He never knew when Matt would snap. It was usually several times a day, there was never a day that Matt wasn't angry for some reason. 

It was never anything that Cas himself did, Matt just liked to take his anger and frustration about his pathetic life on him. 

He would snap at the simplest things. If Cas  didn't have a show on that he wanted to watch. If Cas took too long whenever he sent him shopping. If dinner wasn't ready when he walked in the door, drunk and full of fury. 

Speaking of dinner....

"Oh no." Cas said to himself, snapping out of his thoughts. Matt would be home any second now. He had to get moving, or else he was going to hear Matt's wrath. 

He got up, but just as he did, he heard the door open. 

Cas felt panic rush through his entire body as he saw Matt walk in the door. 

"Dinner is already on the table?" Matt asked, anger already dripping from his voice. Cas was shaking at this point, not knowing what to say. 

"I... Not yet. I'm sorry. I'll do it now." He thought that maybe he could get away this time. Maybe Matt would give him a chance and see how much he hurt him day after day. 

But he didn't. 

"You always fuck up, don't you? You're a fucking useless piece of fucking shit." He was coming towards Cas now. 

"I said... I'm... sorry." Cas choked out, trying to refrain from sobbing. 

"Why are you gonna cry? Because you know you were wrong?" How voice is something of pure evil, something that little kids would most definitely hear in their nightmares. Cas did too. 

"Yes. I know I'm wrong." Cas said, looking down. 

"Well what are you waiting for?" Matt said angrily, shoving Cas towards the kitchen. 

It was nothing compared to what he usually did to Cas, but he knew more was coming later on. 

He was correct. 

"I'm going!" He exclaimed as he walked towards the kitchen. 

"Don't fucking talk back to me! You're already a useless piece of fucking trash as it is, no need to make it even worse." 

Cas wanted to ask Matt how exactly him saying that he was going to make anything worse, but as soon as he opened his mouth, he was met with a harsh slap to the face. 

He fell to the ground, his ears ringing. Matt was saying something that he couldn't make out, and he was glad that he couldn't hear it. It was likely an insult of some sort, it always was. 

Cas grabbed the side of his face. He was used to being slapped and pushed around by now, but it always hurt even more, from being hit in the same spots over and over again. 

"Get the fuck up." Matt spat, pulling Cas up by his hair. 

"Ow!" He squealed, begging him to stop. But he never did. 

"Shut up and go do what you were supposed to, before I make it worse. You already know what's coming later." 

Cad didn't like to think about what was coming later, it was always the worst part of it all. 

Later would always be the sex. Cas didn't even know if it could be called that, it was always forced. Rape was a better word for it, but every time be would use that word or threaten Matt with it, Matt would simply say "It's not rape if you like it, and I know you fucking do." 

But Cas didn't like it. It was always painful. He would always cry, but Matt would always put his hand over his mouth to keep him quiet. But it never worked. No matter what Matt did, Cas never would keep quiet. His muffled sobs could be heard even behind his hand, and tears stained his cheeks. 

It would never last for more than a few minutes. But it felt like an eternity. The pain almost splitting him in half, the rhythmic creaking of the bed, the muffled sobbing... it would all be too much, but he somehow managed to put up with it every night. He had to. Or else it would become even worse for him. 

Cas made dinner as he always did, shaking the whole time. He was surprised that he didn't drop and brake any plates with how badly he was shaking. 

When it was ready and on the table, he called Matt into the dining room and they began to ear. 

They wouldn't ever have conversations. "Talk" at the dinner table would be Matt talking about his day and random things, with Cas occasionally replying with "mhm" and "yeah", afraid to utter anything more, in case he said something wrong. He always did. 

After dinner, Cas would do all of the cleaning, no question about it. After the cleaning, they would watch TV together, the show being Matt's choice, of course. 

And then, whenever Matt gave Cas the word or the look, they would head upstairs and he had to let Matt do whatever he wished, or a beating would come with it. 

Then the day would end, and they would fall asleep. It took Cas long to sleep, he was always the last one awake. Soon as he heard Matt's loud snores, he would let it all out. He would loudly sob. Matt wouldn't wake up, because he was too deep in his sleep. 

It felt good to cry, after a long day of pain. 

XX

Cas woke up and looked at the bedside clock. 6:30 AM. He never woke up this early. Matt was still asleep. He decided to get up before his boyfriend did and make good use of this opportunity. 

He reached under the bed, and grabbed the small bag that he had hidden under there. It was there whenever he needed it, and he surely needed it. 

Last night things were a bit worse than expected, and Cas didn't know if he could handle it today. 

So he decided he was going to head over to the one place where he felt safe. 

His best friend Dean's house. 

Dean's house wasn't far away. Two houses down actually. But it was always the place Cas went when he needed a temporary relief from the pain. Matthew always knew it was where he went. And when he did, he would beg Cas to come back, claiming he was a changed man. Of course, he just said that because another person was there. But he would always go closer to Cas and whisper and few select words and threats. 

He went home every time. He wanted to escape forever. He really did. But the thing was, he just couldn't. 

Cas rung Dean's bell, and waited until he opened the door. 

When he did, he scanned Cas up and down, his eyes widening. 

"He got crazy again?" Dean asked, even though he already knew the answer. 

"Yeah..." Cas answered, looking down. 

"Well come in. You're always welcome here, you know that." Dean smiled as Cas made his way into his home, and he gave a small smile back. 

He was glad to have him.


	3. 2.

Dean Winchester wasn't gay. 

Not at all. 

Not even a little bit. Not that he had a problem with people being gay, he just wasn't. 

So many people thought that he was, because of how close he was to Cas. 

Which yeah, he was really close to his best friend, but that was only because Cas was his best friend. That didn't make him gay, not at all. 

He was just a bit fond of Castiel Novak. 

Every couple days, Cas would spend the day(sometimes just a few hours) at Dean's house. He didn't mind in the least, he actually enjoyed the company, especially since he lived alone. 

He felt horrible for his friend, with the abusive relationship he was in. He wanted to beat that fucker Matt to a pulp, but every time he wanted to get involved, Cas would grab him and restrain him, saying "Please don't. He said that if you ever try and interfere he'll hurt you." 

But that didn't stop Dean. He didn't care how much hurt he would have to go through, long as Matt paid for what he did to his best friend. But that's not what would stop Dean. What stopped him was what Cas would say next. 

"Just please Dean. He'll hurt you. He said that not only will he hurt you, he'll kill me. He'll beat me like he never did before. Just please." Cas would look as if he was on the verge of tears, and it broke Dean's heart. 

One day, he would give Matt what he deserved. And he wouldn't be able to come anywhere near Cas ever again. 

So, hearing Cas at his door now and again was something that happened very often. So he wasn't surprised when he heard him there today. 

He opened the door, wondering what that asshole had done to him this time. 

Cas was shivering as he usually was, and as he looked up at Dean, he noticed large red mark on his face, specifically on his cheek. It was fresh, so it was something that had happened recently. 

"He got crazy again?" Dean asked. 

"Yeah..." Cas answered, looking down. 

"Well come in. You're always welcome here, you know that." 

Cas came in then, looking back once as he walked in. He was terrified of Matthew, Dean knew that for a fact. He would be here in a few hours to pick Cas up, but Dean was thinking that this would be the time to get his revenge and not let him. 

"Cas... he's not taking you home today." Dean said, as his best friend sat down on the couch. Cas looked up at him. 

"Dean... you're not gonna do anything. Please don't. He'll hurt me." 

"That's the thing Cas. He's never going to hurt you again. He's never going to see you again. He's gonna be alone forever." 

"Dean... no... he's going to kill you. That's what he said. He said if you ever got involved... that's what he would do." 

"He's not killing you or me. Look, we'll see, okay? Maybe I'll just ask him to let you stay here for awhile." And then tears his guts out with my bare hands and make him eat them... 

"Okay. Okay." Cas was afraid, that was all. He wanted more than anything to get Matthew out of his life. He wanted to be free. But the thing was, there were too many consequences. 

"You want other clothes?" Dean asked, staring at Cas's current attire. His clothes were just fine, except for the fact that they were ripped in some places and a little bit dirty. 

"Sure..." 

Dean went into his room and grabbed one of his sweatshirts and some clean pants and quickly went and handed them to Cas. "Here." 

"Thank you Dean." Cas said, walking into the bathroom and changing. 

He came out a few minutes later, all dressed in Dean's clothes. To Dean, there was something satisfying about seeing Dean in his sweatshirts. Something so appealing. Something he'd never admit. 

"Come here. We'll just watch some TV and chill, alright?" Dean told him, patting the spot beside him on the couch. 

Cas sat by him, and Dean pulled out a blanket and wrapped it around Cas. 

It was calming, knowing that he was okay. Dean sometimes worried for nights on end about him, wondering if one of these times Matthew would take it too far. Sometimes, he would bear things around the block, must be whenever the arguments would head outside, screams, shouting, all of that. It hurt to listen to, and Dean wished Cas didn't have to deal with this. 

Cas moved closer to Dean, and was soon snuggled up beside him. Dean blushed at the contact, not knowing why. He's just protecting his friend, there wasn't more to it, right? 

Dean looked over at him, wondering how anyone could ever hurt him. His eyes were slightly closing, which gave Dean better opportunity to look at him. 

He was perfect. Dean felt himself get even more red as he shook the thoughts away. But he couldn't help it... Cas was angelic, how could anyone ever abuse him in any way and be able to sleep at night? How could anyone abuse anyone and sleep at night? 

Dean reached over, and grabbed Cas's hand. He looked at it for a few seconds, all bruised and bloody, and then he laced their fingers together softly. He traced little shapes on the back of his hand, being careful not to touch or push down on one of the bruises. 

Cas opened his eyes for a split second to look over at Dean, smiled, and then shut them again. 

Dean had no clue what he was doing right now. Or what he was feeling. He was cuddling up next to Cas, he was holding his hand, blushing... was this really what best friends did? Or was it... 

Stop. Stop worrying about that. Don't focus on that right now. Worry about Cas. He needs help. Just give him comfort. 

That's what he was doing... he was giving him comfort! Nothing wrong with that. Just a little reassurance that someone was there. That was it. 

"You're gonna be okay." Dean whispered, still running his thumb on the back of Cas's hand. He began to close his own eyes. "You're gonna be okay."


	4. 3.

"Cas. No. You can't go back there. I'm not letting you. I don't what you or what he says. You're staying here. And if you want to leave, stay somewhere else. But you're not going back there." Dean told Castiel, his voice stern. He couldn't let him get hurt again. 

"Dean... I say this so much... but he said he's gonna hurt you and I don't want you hurt or dead..." Cas said, looking down at the ground. He was getting ready to go back home. Matthew had texted a string of threats to him earlier, so he decided that it would be best to just go now. Matt was already going to hurt him as it was, he'd better not make it worse by not showing up on time. But Dean wouldn't have that. 

"Yeah. He says a lot of things. You know, like how he says he loves you." Dean said, and his voice was icy and harsh. Cas's face immediately fell at the comment, and he felt tears rise into his eyes. Dean saw this and immediately felt horrid about his comment. Maybe he shouldn't have been so blunt, now wasn't exactly the time. 

"Cas... I didn't mean it like that... I just meant that you deserve to be treated better." He said, pulling his friend into a hug. 

Cas silently cried into Dean's shoulder for a few seconds before speaking in a shaky voice, "No you're right. He doesn't love me. But why? Why am I so unlovable? What did I do to him? I have him everything." He sniffles, and Dean pulled him in again. 

"Exactly. That's why you need to get out of it. Now." Dean told him, rubbing his back. 

"Dean... I can't. You don't get it. You never will." Cas said, pulling away. 

Dean supposed that he was right. He never could understand why people that were in abusive relationships stayed in those relationships. He didn't know why they couldn't just stick it to the abusive partner and leave. Wasn't that how it always ended? It was how the media portrayed it, why couldn't things be that easy in real life. Dean sighed and looked over to Cas, who was gathering his things and getting ready to go. 

"Please Cas." Dean pleaded. "Stay." Not only did he not want Cas to get hurt, he had another odd feeling. He wanted to spend more time with him. Not that they didn't as much as they could, but lately, he had been wanting to spend most of his free seconds with him. Cas felt like home. He wanted to just hold him close and keep him safe forever. He felt his cheeks turn red at the thoughts. 

"Dean. Look. I wish I could stay here, I really do..." 

"You can. Just please. Stay. Don't go back to him. It's what he wants. He wishes that he could control you. He thinks he does. Just don't give him what he wants." 

"Like I said, you don't get it. If I don't give him what he wants, you'll die. I'll have to watch you die. And then I'll die." 

Dean's eyes widened. He wondered what sick shit Matthew used to threaten Cas with, but obviously really dark stuff. He was disgusted. "You won't." He said, not even sure he believed himself at this point. Matthew was relentless. He wanted what he wanted, and he would do anything to get it. But hell, be was going to try and resist it. 

"Bye Dean. Thanks again for letting me stay here." Cas said, giving him another hug. Dean tried to hold on as long as he could. 

He let out a sigh as he watched Cas walk out of the door. He couldn't believe that he was actually letting this happen. 

When's the day gonna come, he thought to himself, that he stops going home to him and comes home to me instead? 

XX 

Feelings were always confusing. To Dean, it was weird how a person could have a feeling in their body and not know exactly what it was. He wanted everything to be straight foreword. But it wasn't. Everything had to be confusing.  

He was going through that right now, with his emotions pertaining to Cas. There were definitely strong feelings there, but he didn't know what they were. 

He thought it was all just a strong friendship before, but now, he didn't know if it transcended past that. 

It was possible. He was just confused. He also didn't know how is was possible. And it wasn't even the fact that Cas was a guy. That was something he'd have to figure out eventually. What his label exactly was. But it didn't really matter to him that much. It was simply that he was his best friend. He couldn't have feelings for his best friend. He just couldn't. That had to be wrong in someway, shouldn't it? He supposed it wasn't, but to him, it just felt odd. He didn't want to have feelings for him, because then it would seem like he'd want Cas out of his relationship for his own selfish need, because he would want him as well. Even though that wasn't the case, because he wanted more than anything for Cas to be safe, but feelings couldn't be helped. They weren't something that could be prevented. So if it was like that, it was something that would stay there. 

He thought about yesterday, the hand holding, the cuddling. The way he blushed at it all and felt his heart flutter. That certainly wasn't something that best friends did. Maybe hugs, maybe a bit of comforting. But none of that. 

Dean sighed as he went back to watching TV. A couple was kissing on screen, what a coincidence. He sighed and changed the channel as quickly as he could. 

Sexual confusion sure was good. 

XX 

A/N: just so you know, because I have gotten a few words abt it, Dean and Cas's personalities may be altered a bit in this book, simply to fit the story. It's an AU so obviously some things are different. They will still have the traits that make them Dean and Cas, but you guys get my point.


	5. 4. (!)

!= mature/triggering content. mentions/scenes of abuse, also mention of a knife. 

XX 

Dean couldn't get his thoughts off Cas the whole day. 

He couldn't help but wonder what sort of evil Matthew was up to today, what he was doing to his poor friend. 

He imagined he could just go to Cas's house and take matters into his own hands, since he was only a couple of houses away, but he decided against it. Cas would be back soon, he just knew it. And this time, Dean wouldn't let him leave. 

XX 

Cas often felt like a child when he was with Matthew. He knew their relationship was beyond toxic, but couldn't his boyfriend at least treat him like the grown man he was, one that could make his own decisions? 

Apparently not. 

Matthew was especially angry tonight, and he had no clue why. 

He was yelling, calling him a worthless piece of shit, the usual. But today, he felt a bit different about the whole thing. Like he wanted to do something about all of this. 

Part of him was scared shitless. That was the bigger part. The other part, which was foreign to him, was that he was fed up. He was done with being treated like this. But there was nothing he could do, was there? It would just end up even worse for him. 

He felt a new found anger bubbling up inside him today whenever Matthew yelled at him, but he tried to ignore it. He couldn't disobey. 

He could hear Dean's words ringing through his ears. That Matthew didn't deserve him. That he shouldn't have to take this. That he shouldn't keep crawling back. 

Maybe he didn't have to listen. Maybe, just for today, he could be his own person. His need for freedom was getting to be too much. Dean was right. He shouldn't have to put up with this every single day. 

He was scared, but today he was going to change things. He was going to tell Matthew that he wanted a little bit of freedom. 

So, when it was time to make dinner, he laid down on the couch. He waited for Matthew to realize what time it was. 

His heart was racing. 

He didn't know why he was doing this. 

Part of him wanted to go into the kitchen and go back to the regular ways. He was scared of what could happen. But the thought that he could make a stand, it was enough to drive him to stay sitting in his spot. 

"Castiel." Matthew said, walking into the room. Cas could tell from his voice that he was pissed already. His eyes looked vicious. 

"M... Matthew." Cas said, an attempt in acting like he didn't know what was going on. Of course, it didn't work. 

"Don't give me that. You know exactly what I'm about to say." He was coming closer now, breathing heavily. He was pissed. 

"And that would be?" Cas couldn't believe that those words had just come out of his mouth, but they did. And Matthew's reaction was far from calm. 

"What the fuck did you just say to me? Care to say it again?" 

Cas took a deep breath. Maybe he could just stop here, maybe he could just go back to doing what he usually did. He didn't have to do this. 

No. 

You have to. 

Remember what Dean told you. 

You can do it. 

Do it.. 

"I said... what is it you were gonna say to me?" Cas was still a bit shocked at himself, he didn't know he had this fire in him. 

"Here's what I was going to say. I'm hungry. That's what. And you know exactly what to do." 

The fire was burning higher and higher. The anger that had been bubbling up inside of him for so much time was finally making its way out. 

"Well.. last time I checked, you were a grown man. So... you can get up and get something. There's plenty of stuff in the fridge. Leftovers and stuff. I don't need to make something every night. And if you want something made, you can make it yourself. I'm... taking the night off." 

If looks could kill, Cas would certainly be dead. Matthew was livid. Breathing heavy, red in the face, all of that good stuff. 

"Excuse me? What the fuck did you just fucking say?" 

He then proceeded to push Cas off the couch with force, causing his head to slam on the ground with a loud bang. 

Cas pushed himself up. "Please..." he felt himself going weak again. 

"Then say you're sorry." 

"But then I'd be lying." 

A slap to the face. 

He was on the ground again. 

A kick to the stomach. 

He contemplated actually saying sorry. 

But then he realized he couldn't. He made it this far, he didn't have to give up now. 

He fought back. He wasn't that big of a guy, but he wasn't too small either. He wasn't skinny or small, he did have some muscle on him. 

So he fought back with everything that he had, but it sure was hard. He didn't even listen to what Matt was saying to him. Matthew wasn't giving up. He was hitting Cas even harder than he did on regular days, and it took everything he had to keep fighting back. 

Among all of the pushing and shoving, the two of them somehow ended up in the kitchen. That's when things really went downhill. 

Matt pushed Cas off of him, and he lost control. He couldn't move as his boyfriend punched him repeatedly in the face, to the point where he was barely conscious. 

Then Matthew did something even worse, he reached up onto the counter, and grabbed a knife. 

Cas's first instinct was panic, just like any other normal person. Matthew was going to kill him. This was it. He wasn't lying all of those times when he threatened Cas. 

"Do you think you're big and tough now? I don't know who you think you're messing with, but it sure as hell ain't me." 

He had to think quick, even though he couldn't move quick. He began to crawl away as fast as he could. His vision was blurring. He could hear Matthew shouting after him. His only thought was to get away. To get help somehow. 

Soon, he built up his strength and stood up. Matthew tried to shove him back down, but Cas shoved him even harder and threw him back a bit, causing him to hit the counter. He had a few seconds to get away, so that's what he did. He ran as fast as he could, although he could barely stand up straight. He grabbed his phone off the table where he had left it, and quickly charged into the bathroom and locked himself in. 

Breathing heavily, he gave himself a few seconds to compose. Then he picked up his phone, and dialed for help. 

"Dean... I need you. Something crazy happened. I'm in the bathroom right now, locked in. Matthew is coming after me with a knife, I think he's going to kill me." 

XX 

A/N: if you're wondering why Cas called Dean instead of the cops or something... well, it's a story lmao and Dean is his first thought, the first person he thinks of when he's in trouble. I'm only saying this because of comments I got on the original. This is based off my experiences and I thought of my closest friends before I ever thought of anyone else.

Thanks for reading, have a great day/night!


	6. 5. (!)

A/N: Slight trigger warning for blood. 

XX 

Upon hearing Cas's desperate cries for help over the phone, Dean's phone fell out of his hand and hit the floor. He didn't know what to think. He knew something like this would happen one day, but what he didn't know is that it would happen so soon. And he had no clue what to do. 

He picked his phone off the ground and checked it for any visible scratches or marks. There were none. 

"Dean? Dean! Are you there?" Cas's voice was growing more desperate by the minute and Dean had to do something. Quick. 

"I'm here. I'm here, Cas. Why didn't you call the cops or something?" 

"I don't know Dean... my instincts just told me to call you. I guess I can call..." 

Dean stopped him mid-sentence. "No. I'll be right there. Like right there." Then he hung up and he began to run over to his best friend's house, faster than he had ever run in his life. 

XX 

Cas was beyond scared. He felt safe when he was on the phone with Dean, but soon as he heard the beep on the other end of the receiver  he felt terrified again. 

A few seconds after Dean had hung up, Matthew was at the door. 

"Open this fucking door!" He ordered Cas, but he wasn't going to listen to him. He was going to pretend that he didn't hear him. He closed his eyes tried to control his breathing, but he was terrified beyond belief. 

"Open the door! Open the fucking door!" His shouts were now accompanied by a loud banging on the door. 

Suddenly, a horrid thought ran through Cas's mind, what if Matthew broke the door down? What if he killed him before Dean even found him, so Dean would find him dead? 

"I KNOW YOU HEAR ME." He was screaming at this point, and Cas felt his heart beat fast. He wanted to cry, but had to stay strong. After what felt like forever but was only a few seconds more of screaming, Matthew's yelling was replaced with him exclaiming "what the fuck!" That's when Cas knew. 

Dean had come for him. 

"Get the fuck off of me! How did you even get in!" 

"Let's just say... your door is gone." 

Cas heard grunting and punches being thrown. He wanted to open the door, but didn't know if that would be the best idea. 

"You have your chance. Get away now. Get the fuck away." He heard Matthew tell Dean. 

"I should kill you. I really should." Dean retaliated. Another punch. Matthew groaning in pain. "Cas? Cas! you okay in there?" Dean called through the door, and Cas finally got off the ground and opened the door up. 

"I'm fine. I'm fine." He said, not even sure if he believed it himself. 

"Are you s-" Dean began, but he was stopped when Matthew pulled him onto the ground from behind. 

"Dean!" Cas called out. 

Matthew pulled the knife from the ground and slashed it across Dean's arm, leaving a gaping cut. Blood immediately gushed out. 

"No." Cas said, and with all of his force he was able to push Matthew off of Dean.

Dean held his arm in agony, and gave Matthew a kick right in the stomach. He doubled over in pain. 

"Come on. We need to go. Now." 

"But your arm..." 

"Just come on." Dean said, and the two began to run. 

Before they knew it, they were at Dean's place. 

"We need to call someone for help with your arm..." Cas said. Dean was bleeding more and more now, his hand was completely covered and the cut was still gushing. 

"We can take care of it. Go in the bathroom, in the cabinet under the sink, there's a first aid kit." 

Cas ran as fast he could, grabbed the kit, and brought it to Dean

"Okay, we're gonna have to do this together. I'll be fine." 

Cas nodded. He couldn't believe that Dean had gone this far for him, had gotten hurt for him... 

"I'm sorry Dean. I'm sorry that this happened to you because of me..." 

"Cas. Don't you dare be sorry. It's not your fault. He's just insane." 

Cas couldn't deny that. He didn't say anything more, he just opened up the kit and began to work on Dean's wound. 

XX 

"There you go. You're good now." Cas told Dean, patting the bandage that he had placed on his arm. 

Dean smiled at him. Cas had such a caring sense about him, and that's one thing that Dean admired so much. He was so sweet and such a good soul, he could never hurt him, even if he was being paid to do so. He didn't know how Matthew did it and was able to sleep at night. 

"Thank you." Dean told him, and pulled him in for a hug. Cas hugged him back, and stuffed his face into Dean's shoulder and began to cry a bit. 

He ran his hand through Cas's hair and over his scalp, trying to calm him down. This must've been the hardest thing to deal with, Dean immediately felt guilt for not doing anything about it sooner. 

"What... what if he makes me go back?" Cas said, hiccuping. 

"He can try, but you're not going back there. Not ever again. I'm not letting you. And the beating he's gonna get if he tries again will be way worse than the one he got this time. 

Cas nodded and clung onto his best friend again. "Thank you..." 

"You don't have to thank me for anything, Cas. I'm always going to be here for you, okay? I promise you. And I'm not letting him hurt you ever again. This time I mean it. You're staying here. You're staying with me until you can find somewhere far away from him, okay?" 

"Okay." Cas sniffled. "I'm sorry for crying all over you." 

"Like I said, don't be sorry. It's normal to cry, and I'm glad that you are. You just need to rest for a bit." 

"Okay. Do you have any clothes I can borrow? If not it's fine I can just wash these out." 

"Of course I do. I'll go get them. Anything you need, I have it." 

Dean was willing to do whatever it was to keep Cas safe. He knew he was still scared and shaken up at the moment, and he didn't blame him. But no matter what he was, Dean was going to help. And one other thing was for sure, and that was that he wasn't done with Matthew just yet. 

He was going to get what he deserved. 

XX 

A/N: this book pains me so much to write, and I'm sure it's hard to read, but it's only going to get more personal... 

that being said, I hope you all are enjoying this so far and thanks to everyone reading, this is an important book to me and it means the absolute world. love you all.


	7. 6.

Cas was in complete and total shock as he sat on the couch, in Dean's clothes, staring mindlessly at the TV. He didn't know what was on, and he didn't really care, since it wasn't even helping him get his mind off of things. 

Dean's clothes were a pretty good fit on him, and it made them extremely comfortable. 

But even if he was comfy and safe for now, his mind was racing. About what could happen next. About how he knew that this whole thing wasn't over. 

He wasn't just thinking about himself, his main thoughts were on Dean. He didn't want him to get hurt anymore than he already was, even if he just got cut on his arm. He knew Matthew was capable of much more than that, and wouldn't stop until he was done. 

He felt tears begin to form in his eyes, and before he knew it, they are falling down his face. 

This is all my fault. I should've just left Matthew long ago. Now Dean is in danger, I'm in danger...

This is all my fault. 

"Hey, you okay?" Dean's voice broke him out of his trance, which startled him and caused him to jump. 

"Y... Yeah. I'm fine. Perfectly fine." Cas answered, his voice cracking. 

Dean knew he was lying, but wouldn't keep pressing the matter. "You just tell me if you need anything, okay?" 

"Okay. I will. Is your arm alright?" 

It amazed him how even during a time like this, Cas was still thinking of him, but it also made his heart flutter. "Yeah. It's fine. Don't worry about it. Get some more rest." 

Cas nodded, and Dean left the room. Cas wished he hadn't, because soon as he was gone, his mind was back to producing dark and unwanted thoughts.

He decided that maybe it would be best to close his eyes and hope that sleep would erase the thoughts, at least for a bit. 

So he shut his eyes, and let the darkness take him. 

XX 

When he opens his eyes, it's dark. Very dark. 

He can't see anything. He can't hear anything. He can't move. 

"Hey!" He calls out. "Dean!" All he can hear is his echo. 

"Why the fuck are you fucking yelling?" 

Suddenly, a familiar face appeared in front of him. One that he didn't want to see. 

Matthew. 

"W... what's going on?" He asked, breathing heavily. 

It was stupid. 

"Don't act fucking dumb." He smirked, and then there was a flash, suddenly Cas was in a different place. 

He was in he and Matthew's living room. He tried to call out, but he couldn't speak this time. Or move. Again. 

A few seconds later, he heard the door unlocking, and Matthew walking inside. 

Cas felt like he had been here before. Not in the house(because of course he had been there), but in this exact situation. 

"What are you doing?" Matthew asked, angrily. 

"I... I'm..." Cas didn't even mean to say that. He didn't want to speak. Why was he speaking? Why couldn't he control himself? 

"Not making dinner, that's for sure." 

He had been here before. He remembered this. All of it. He remembered this day, down to the shirt that Matthew was wearing. He knew what was coming next. 

"I... I'm sorry! I'll... I'll go do it now. I swear." It was almost as if he was spectating the event, since he wasn't controlling his movements, words, or actions. 

"You should've already had it fucking done! You see? You're fucking worthless!" 

You're fucking worthless.... 

Fucking worthless... 

Worthless... 

XX 

Cas jerked awake, breathing heavily. He was at Dean's place. That was all a dream. Just a bad dream. 

The worst part was, it was barely a dream. More of a flashback. The first part of it was a dream, but the second part, in the house, that was something that had happened before. He remembered it completely. 

"Oh no..." He said to himself. He began to breathe heavily, still a bit shaken up from the whole thing. 

He didn't want to get up or move. He didn't feel like he needed to. And plus, he didn't want to run into Dean while he was in this state. He would definitely worry about him much more than he already has been. 

He didn't want to go back to sleep again either. Not now, not ever again. 

XX 

A/N: hi! I hope nobody is confused. This is drawn from my own experiences, having vivid and detailed nightmares/dreams about the things that happened to me. 

Thanks for reading! Love you all!


	8. 7.

Dean woke up because of the loud ringing on his phone. He had forgotten to turn it down before he slept, so he faced the consequences. 

"Ah, damn it." He said, sitting up slowly and reaching for the device, which was on the side of his bed. He checked the caller ID. It was his brother, Sam. He answered it. 

"Hey, Sammy. Why the hell are you calling so early?" He asked, still a bit groggy. 

"Dean... it's noon." Sam said, chuckling a bit. 

"Still early." Dean replied, causing his brother to laugh yet again. 

"Mhm. Whatever you say." 

"So why're you calling? What's up man?" Dean pulled back his covers. He supposed Sam was right, it wasn't that early and he had to get up soon. Most of all, though, he had to check on Cas. 

"Just checking in. Remember how you said that if one of us didn't hear from the other for a couple of days, we would have to call and see if anything was wrong?" 

Dean did remember. He and Sam had made that little pact because their parents had died in a horrible accident years ago, and the brothers didn't know about it for a long time. Their parents were only supposed to be gone for a few hours, but had never returned. The brothers were both young at the time, and Dean being the older one, he had to take care of Sam while his parents were supposedly "away". Little did they know, they were long gone. But they had no clue. Not until much later. 

Even if the two did live far apart, Sam was studying to become a lawyer, and Dean did his own thing, getting various jobs here and there, they tried to stay in contact as much as they could, not wanting the other to ever get hurt. 

"Yeah, I do remember. I'm sorry for not texting or calling. But I'm fine." 

"You sure?" Sam asked, the worry in his voice very apparent. 

"I'm sure. I've just been a bit busy. Cas is here, and he's staying for awhile, so I've been pretty busy with him." Dean didn't mean for that last part to slip out. After it did, he realized just how dirty it sounded. 

"You know, you always talk about this Cas. And how the two of you are so close. But I don't think I've ever really met him. Is he... Are you two a thing?" 

"A thing? No. Sammy, it's not like that. Not at all." 

"Mhm. So what's he doing over your house? And why are you so busy with him?" 

Dean let out a sigh. He shouldn't have mentioned Cas. "He just needs some help. And I'm letting him stay over my house until things get sorted out. Nothing is... nobody is a thing. I'm just helping him." 

Sam chuckled again, not knowing why Dean had to be so defensive about this. He was hiding something, Sam could tell. "Alright. Well, it's good to know you're alright. I was just worried about you, man. Just be sure to text me next me." 

"Yes, I will next time. But thanks for checking up on me, Sammy. It's good that we still keep in contact as much as we always have." 

"I agree. Bye, Dean." 

"Bye, Sammy." 

Dean truly loved his brother. 

XX 

"I'm coming!" 

"As soon as you leave that house, I'll be after you. You can't hide forever, Castiel. Don't think that he can keep you safe forever." 

Those were the words Cas heard the next time he closed his eyes. He wasn't meaning to, his body was just past the point of exhaustion that it could take. Of course, the startling dreams caused him to shot awake. 

"P... please..." He said helplessly, knowing that it wasn't going to do anything. "Go away!" He wanted to shout, but it came out in more of a whisper. 

There was nothing he could do. He was stuck. And even if it was a bad dream, he knew it was all true. As soon as he left, Matthew was going to find him. That's why he was never going to leave, or at least not until he was strong enough. 

XX

The next thing Dean had to do was get dressed. Soon as he had hung up with Sam, he got out of bed and pulled off the clothes he was wearing to bed, and threw on some fresh new ones. He would take a shower, but he would safe that for later. 

Right now, he had to check on Cas. He went down to the living room, where Cas was supposed to be sleeping. Instead, he was wide awake, staring at the TV screen. There was nothing wrong with that but... the TV wasn't on. 

"Cas, you alright?" Dean asked, immediately sitting beside him. 

Cas looked at him, his eyes wide. Dean wasn't going to lie, this was freaking him the hell out. 

"Cas." He said again. 

"Dean... I... I need help... I can't do this anymore. He's in my head. He's everywhere I look. I hear him. He won't ever go away." 

Dean placed his hand on Cas's shoulder, and squeezed. "Woah. Slow down, slow down. What are you talking about?" 

"Dean... I'm having dreams about Matthew. I know he's not really here, but it's hard. Every time I close my eyes I see him. He's taunting me." 

Dean didn't exactly know what to say, as he had never experienced something like this before. He felt horrible. "I just... don't know what to do Cas. Do you want to go get help somewhere? I wish I could help more... but there are places where you can go. Even if I’m not really keen on the idea of you leaving.” 

"No!" Was Cas's immediate reaction. "I don't have to. This is fine. This is better. I don't need to go anywhere else, and not be able to be free." He wanted to add "Even though I can't be free here either..." but he knew Dean would definitely send him on his own then, and that was the last thing he wanted. 

"Are you sure, Cas? Because I'll do whatever makes you feel better..." 

"This is fine. Just fine. I'll let you know if I start to feel uncomfortable. But I'm really fine here." 

"You sure, buddy?" Dean wanted to cringe using that word, not knowing exactly why. He had always called Cas "Buddy", what made it any different now? 

"I'm sure, Dean." Cas lied.


	9. 8.

Castiel could clearly remember the first time that he had seen something suspicious pertaining to Matthew, it was something that shot red flags all through this mind. 

The two were laying in bed, in the morning, and after a few minutes, Matthew had gotten up to go to the bathroom or something. 

At first, it was just nothing to Castiel. At least he had a few minutes to himself before Matthew began to bark orders at him as if he were a slave. 

That was, until he saw something weird sticking out from Matthew's side of the mattress. 

Suspicious, he got up and reached under to grab whatever it was. 

He wasn't prepared for what he saw. 

A knife. A big knife, to say the least. 

"What the hell..." He said to himself. Why would he put a knife directly below the mattress? It probably was sticking out because the mattress probably moved while the two were asleep, so how long had it been there? How long had he been hiding this? Why was he even hiding it in the first place. 

Cas tried to tell himself that maybe it was for self protection. People did that, right? They kept weapons around them in case someone broke in and they had nothing else. It might be a little much, but it was pretty plausible considering how Matthew was as a person. 

But that's when he saw the other thing. A single, crumpled piece of paper under the bed. He pulled it out, and tried to straighten it. As he did, he saw something extremely familiar. 

It was his own face. It was a picture of him. 

"What? Why?" Was all he could manage. He wanted to ask, but he knew doing so would just cause so many more problems. 

He stared at the picture for a few more seconds, his hands shaking. It was enough to see a knife under the mattress, but a photo of him? Crumpled up and thrown under the bed? Something was definitely wrong. 

"Cas! You better be up!" He heard Matthew call, and in a matter of seconds he threw the paper back under the bed and made sure the knife wasn't visible. He pretended he was pulling out clothes. 

"I am!" He called back, as Matthew walked back into the room. 

As soon as Cas looked at him, he wanted to ask the question. He wanted to ask what the hell he was doing, and what the hell was wrong with him. 

But he couldn't. 

XX 

"He had a knife under the mattress. He had crumpled up photos of me under the bed. He always hated me. He always wanted me dead. And I don't even know why." 

These were the words that awoke Dean from his sleep, and he had to figure out exactly where he was, and it took him a second to do so. He was on the couch, next to Castiel. 

He didn't know exactly when he had fallen asleep, but it didn't really matter. 

"What? What are you talking about?" Dean said, his voice hoarse, since he had just got up. 

"Matthew. I saw all of these... things. And I was too scared to confront him, and too scared to walk out. He had it out for me. He hid weapons around. He had photos of me ripped up and crumpled up, and even drawn on everywhere. It still scares me to this day." 

Dean was a bit baffled at all of this. Cas elaborated, telling him about the first knife and photo that he had found. 

"Cas." Dean said, rubbing his eyes. "He's insane. It wasn't safe being there. That stuff you just told me about... those are things that crazy people do. That's not right." 

"You don't even know the half of it." Cas stated, and Dean knew that he was right. 

XX 

The second time Cas had seen something suspicious took place a few days after the first sighting. 

He was cleaning the room, and was on high alert from what he had seen a few days ago, so naturally, he had immediately went to look under the bed. The same photo was there, along with something else. Another crumpled paper. His heart began to race. 

Cas opened it, already shaking. Sure enough, it was a photo of him again. 

Only this time, it was written on. 

X's were drawn on his eyes. And there was a hole right in the middle of it. Did Matthew... stab it? 

Cas began to breathe heavily, not knowing what exactly this meant and why this was happening. 

"Why would he even do this?" He said to himself, but even he couldn't answer that question. 

All he knew that Matthew had something big against him. And he planned on dealing with it in a dangerous way. And at any time, he could do so. 

But why? 

XX 

"Did he ever... try and hurt you like that? Did he ever try and get you with the knife or anything?" Dean asked, his eyes widening after hearing Cas's little "story". 

"No. That's the creepy part. He never did anything. And I kept finding photos of me. It was so bad, I lived every day so scared of what was to come." 

"Why didn't you just leave?" 

Cas sighed. Dean had asked this a million times. He didn't quite understand, it seems. "The way I figured, I was dead either way. But if I left, you'd be dead too. And I couldn't let that happen. Plus, it's not easy to just... walk out. It's hard to explain." Cas said, looking down. 

"Cas, I'm just... I'm sorry, buddy. I should've never let all of this happen to you." 

"Dean. It's not your fault." 

"I feel like it is sometimes. I know it's hard for people in your situation to just leave, and I feel stupid for thinking that you should've done that." 

"Its really not your fault." Cas said again. He didn't want Dean to blame himself. Maybe he should've left. He was just too weak. He knew that was why. 

"I'm sorry Cas." 

"Please don't be." 

Dean got up from his position on the couch. 

"I have to do something Dean. I can't stay here." Cas said, as he was beginning to walk away. 

"Yes you can. You'll be fine. I don't want you to be hurt. So unless I'm coming with you, you're not going anywhere." Dean told him. 

Cas just simply nodded. There was no way that he could win this argument. 

XX 

A/N: almost 600 reads! Woah I can't believe it! Thank you all so much! And I hope you enjoyed this chapter! 

I got the idea for this chapter while listening to Teddy Bear again haha. If I didn't, who knows when this chapter would've been out. 

Thanks for reading, have a great day/night!


	10. 9.

A/N: new title! This was previously known as "Teddy Bear"! 

XX

What Dean didn't know, was that he would be reconsidering his argument of Cas staying with him REALLY soon. 

He was extremely worried about him as the days went on, especially since Cas had told him the stories about the vendetta that Matthew apparently had for him. He wasn't getting much sleep, and was having nightmares each night, and Dean would hear him either wake up screaming or crying at various times of the night or day. It was bad, it was really bad. 

"Cas." He said one night, coming downstairs and sitting in the couch next to him. 

"Dean? What happened?" Cas asked, still breathing a bit heavily. 

"Nothing happened. You had another nightmare, didn't you?" 

Cas simply nodded. It was a stupid question, and Dean didn't know why he had even asked it. 

"Do you wanna... do you wanna come up to my room? Just so there's someone there? It might help." Dean of course had dealt with nightmares before, but never to this degree. He would never knew exactly how it felt, but he had an idea. 

"I mean... if that's okay with you..." He said, looking down at the ground. He felt like he was a burden to Dean, especially now. Dean was literally giving everything up, even his own bed, all for Cas. 

"It's fine with me. You know what, how about I take the couch and you go up to my room? Unless you want me to stay in the room with you." Dean realized that his first statement asking Cas to come up to the room did sound a bit weird, but really, he was willing to do anything for his friend. 

"No, you can stay in the room. I wouldn't want you to have to sleep down here." Cas said, getting up. 

Dean didn't quite know how this was gonna work, but he was going to figure it out real soon it seemed. 

"Alright." Was all Dean said before getting up, and Cas soon followed suit. 

They went up to Dean's room. The bed was a bit messy and unkempt, but it didn't matter, since it was going to be used soon anyway. 

Castiel looked to Dean, as if asking for his approval to get into the bed. 

"Go ahead." Dean told him, and Cas climbed into the bed. 

Still feeling a bit awkward about the whole thing, Dean waited a few seconds before doing anything more. He watched as Cas covered up, and then Dean decided to take two of his pillows off of the bed. 

"W... what are you doing?" Cas asked. 

"I'm gonna sleep on the floor." Dean stated, stacking the pillows on top of each other. 

"A... are you sure?" Cas felt bad, and felt as if he was taking away Dean's space. "I can sleep there." 

"No." Was all Dean said, pulling a blanket down and lying down. The cold hard ground felt quite uncomfortable, but he worried that it would be awkward if he actually slept in the same bed as Cas. In Dean's mind, sleeping in the same bed as anyone, unless you were in a romantic relationship with that person, was weird. 

Dean fell asleep surprisingly fast. He had slept in various places before, including his car at one point, so he was used to how uncomfortable this was. 

Cas heard his gentle snores, and realized that he was up alone, and tried to sleep as fast as he could. He didn't want to, but he had to sleep eventually, there was no need to prolong the inevitable. 

He did end up falling asleep, but only for about three hours. 

He woke up shaking and even screaming from yet another nightmare. Once he had calmed down after a few seconds, he looked over to see that he had woken Dean up. 

"You alright?" He decided to put all of his weird feelings aside and got into the bed, just to make sure his friend was alright. He shook him a bit, just to make sure he was actually awake. 

"No." Was all Cas said, and Dean didn't know what he could do. 

"Is there any way I can... help you?" 

"I don't know. I just want it to stop." 

Dean had nothing to say in response. 

XX 

Cas slept on and off throughout the night. When it was an actual decent time, he decided to get up. Dean wasn't up yet, so he tried his best not to bother him. 

It was so weird, not waking up and being scared of what would happen today. It was weird to not have to get up and cook or do something else for someone who didn't give a shit about him. 

But all of that aside, Cas was still a bit hungry. Dean had made it apparent that while he was staying with him, everything under this roof was his as well, so why not make something? 

What started out as making a little something for himself soon turned into him making a full fledged meal for both him AND Dean. 

Dean got up just as he was finished up, and came trudging into the kitchen. 

"Cas?" He asked, wide eyed. 

"Hey Dean!" He said happily, and then, seeing Dean's face, the happy expression fell. "Oh. I wasn't supposed to touch this; was I? I'm sorry. I'm sorry." 

"Cas, Cas. Slow down. I don't mind at all. Like I said before, you can do whatever you want here." 

Cas let out a sigh of relief. Dean wanted to lean over and hug him, he didn't know why he didn't. "Dean, do you want some?" 

"Of course." Dean answered, picking up a plate. He filled it with food, and began to mow it down almost immediately. 

Cas laughed. "How are you so hungry right when you wake up?" 

Dean shrugged. "I just am, I guess." He responded, his mouth completely full of food. 

Cas laughed again. "Of course you are." 

Dean felt himself smile, hearing Cas laugh. He wanted him to laugh and smile for the rest of his life, and never be scared again. 

"Cas, where the hell did you even find half of this stuff? I forgot about most of it." 

"I did some looking around." 

"Well, I guess you know me and my house better than I know me and my house." Dean said, a chuckle emitting from his lips. 

"Yeah I guess." 

There was a short silence between the two, and it was broken by a loud pounding on the front door. 

"Cas. I'll go get it." Dean said, getting up. He checked in the peep hole, and there was nobody there. 

"What the hell?" He said to himself, and simply shrugged it off. 

"Who was it?" Cas asked him when he got back into the kitchen. 

"Nobody was there. Probably come jackass teenager ding dong ditching." 

Cas shrugged, and so did Dean. 

XX 

Cas was on the couch again, watching TV. Today wasn't a bad day at all, it was actually quite calm. He know this would be a rare thing, and that he should enjoy it while he could. 

So that's what he was doing. 

That was, until he heard banging on the door again. 

Dean was off doing his own thing, so Cas got up so he could look and see who it was. 

He was thrown off guard when he saw someone at the window, peeking inside. He was thrown even more off guard once he saw who was there. 

Matthew. 

The man waved, and Cas quickly closed the curtains. 

He began to breathe heavily. He no longer felt safe. 

XX 

"He was at the window?" Dean asked. As soon as Cas has closed the curtains, he ran up to dial the police. Dean had seen him, and asked what happened. 

"He's.. probably still there. I'm calling the cops." 

Dean ran downstairs, and opened the curtains. Nobody was there. 

"Cas!" He called upstairs. "Nobody's here." 

"Yes, but he was. I swear." 

Dean didn't want to admit it, but he felt like Cas could possibly be seeing things. He wanted to keep him safe, but he didn't want police getting involved if there was nothing there. So he was going to keep his eye peeled. 

XX 

When the house phone rang at 3 AM, Dean was expecting his brother. 

There was nobody else who really knew his house phone number, since nobody really cared about those damn things anymore. 

He got up, and answered it mindlessly. 

"Sam, why the hell are you calling this number? And at 3 AM? Is something-" 

"Castiel?" 

"What? No. Who the hell is this?" 

All the person on the other end said was "Castiel." before hanging up. 

"What the hell?" Dean asked himself. 

What the hell was going on? 

XX 

A/N: hey! Sorry for the long wait between this and the last update. 

I know the things that are happening in this book may seem a bit... obscure, but remember, these are actual things that happen to actual people. Maybe not all at once, but things like this happen. 

I've also gotten a few comments pertaining towards Dean and his strange behavior towards showing affection to Cas. The thing is, I base Dean's behavior off of what I see in my own male friends. I got a lot of comments saying that some of you guys and your friends don't mind holding hands and such, and I get it because it happens to me and my friends, but I see a pattern in it. My female friends don't care about holding hands, and, to go with this chapter, whenever they stay over or vice versa, we don't hesitate to share the bed. But with my male friends, it's the complete opposite. Sure, we're affectionate. But they're really... weird about holding hands, and sleeping in the bed. I'm not saying all males are like this, and I'm sure that some of you have male friends that act differently, but the pattern I've seen personally is that they're not as affectionate, and not in the same ways. 

Sorry for the rant lmao, I'm not mad or anything, just though I should clarify. 

Lastly(cause this has been too long of a note), thanks for all of the reads! This story is growing so quickly and I love you all so much! 

Thanks for reading!


	11. 10.

A/N: 1K reads! Thank you all so much! I'm so shocked at how well this story is being received! Thank you all so much! 

XX 

"Cas!" Dean was out of breath, and Dean stared at him, wide eyed. 

"Dean? What's wrong? What happened? Did you seem him?" He was speaking extremely quick, and Dean raised his hand in the air as an indication to slow down. 

"Cas. Hold on. Let me explain. I'm sorry for saying I didn't believe you before about seeing Matthew at the window. I should've suspected something was going on when someone was at the door. It's my fault. I'm sorry." 

Cas didn't say anything, so Dean decided to continue. 

"Someone called on the house phone. I think it was him. Actually, I know it was. So it's not safe to have you here. I don't know what I was thinking." 

"Dean." Cas reached out, grabbing Dean's arm. "Don't be sorry. And what am I going to do? I can't go anywhere else." 

"Yes you can. Come on. I'm gonna grab some stuff, but then you're gonna follow me, okay? We're getting you far away from all of this." 

Cas didn't say anything more. He just simply nodded. He didn't trust many people because of the psychological scars left by Matthew, but Dean was one of the few (possibly the only one at this point) that he could trust with anything. 

XX 

Dean made sure the coast was clear before leaving. He checked in all possible hiding spots around, just to make sure Matthew wasn't around at all. 

When he was sure that it was clear, he led Cas to the car. 

"Dean, you still didn't say where we're going. You can't just drag me out here and not tell me." 

Dean turned towards the other man. "I'm taking you to a hotel. Hotels let you go in as an unlisted person. You don't have to give your actual name. I'm taking to one that's not as close, just to lessen the chances of him finding you even more."

Cas was unable to say anything for a few seconds. Nobody had ever cared about him this much, so much so that they'd go this far to find a place for him. "I... I need to go back and get my money..." 

Dean shook his head. "I have some. Don't worry about it. You'll need a few days only, and no matter what, I'll pay. And once you get back, you'll be safe from him. He won't even be there." 

"Are you gonna..." 

"I won't do anything illegal. Trust me. But you're going to stay elsewhere until it's all clear." 

"Good... don't do anything to get you in trouble, I hate to sound weak but I don't know what I would do without you..." 

"You don't sound weak. You're going through a lot, okay? It's perfectly fine. And I won't. I promise." 

"I believe you." 

"Good. Now let's go." 

XX 

Matthew knocked the door as hard as he did before, waiting to see Castiel's face pop up in the window. 

After a few minutes, he realized he wasn't going to get anything. 

So he called the house phone again, hoping to scare Dean shitless again. After multiple attempts, he realized that it was gonna get him nowhere. Maybe they were ignoring him. Oh well. That wouldn't get them far. If they thought they would be safe ignoring him, they were dead wrong. They weren't safe inside the house. And they were going to know that really soon. 

"Cas, you thought you could get away. But guess what? I'm gonna find you." 

XX

After getting everything settled, Dean made sure that Cas would do well in his room for a bit. He had brought him clothes and some other essentials, and made Cas promise to call anytime he needed anything. 

"You gonna be alright, buddy?" 

"I'll be fine." Cas quickly lied. He didn't like sleeping in a place he didn't know, but he wasn't going to reveal that to Dean. 

Dean was going to get this stalker situation out of the way, and fast. He was going to catch Matthew in the act and get him taken away by the police. But not before he taught the coward a lesson of his own. 

He headed back to his home, not expecting anything just yet. 

But as soon as he pulled up, he knew something was off. 

His front door was wide open, and he was positive that he had shut and locked it. 

He got out of his car and slowly approached, and stepped inside without a sound. He inspected the door first, and sure enough, it looked like someone had forced themselves in. From the looks of it, they had kicked the door down. The thing was pretty much off the hinges and hanging by a thread. 

"What the hell." Dean whispered to himself, taking a few more small steps inside. 

The neighborhood he lived in wasn't wild. It was a nice, quiet place. Not much crime happened. But, it was still possible, but who would actually want to do such a thing to Dean? The answer was simple. Matthew. He had to be behind this. 

He slipped into his kitchen, grabbing a knife in case he needed one. He probably wouldn't, but he had no idea if there would be any other weapons involved. 

"Hey, asshole!" Dean called out. "You here? Come out! It's only me. You're not going to get anything out of this." 

He looked around a bit. Opening the doors to the rooms, and looking around in them. Some things were a mess, but he'd worry about that later. 

"Hey! Last chance asshole!" 

He waited a few seconds, and then heard footsteps approaching, from his room. The person that was standing in front of him a few seconds later 

Dean smirked. "You must've thought you were tough shit, huh? But Cas isn't here, it's just me." 

Matthew's hands were clenched in a fist. He was visibly pissed off. But Dean didn't care. "Where is he?" He asked. 

"He's nowhere where you can find him. Why do you need him, anyway? So you can hurt him more? Huh? Coward." 

"It doesn't matter. Last time I checked, he was MY boyfriend. Not yours. Even if he loves you, it doesn't matter. He's just lying to himself." 

"He doesn't love me, and he sure as hell doesn't love you. He's scared of you, you bastard." 

"Oh, he does love you. He's told me that a few times. That's why every time he tries something, I tell him I'll kill you. That's why he's always over here, isn't he? Because he's cheating on me with you. But even if he is here a lot, he always finds a way back to me, doesn't he?"  

For some reason, Dean's mind couldn't get away from the image of Cas saying that he loved him. What did that mean? Did he actually... No. he couldn't think about that right now. 

"What a coward you are. If you really loved him, then you wouldn't make him afraid to live each day." 

"Oh, come on. So I make him do things for me. He's just easy to take advantage of, you know?" 

That was the breaking point for Dean. Feeling the anger bubble up inside of him, he charged towards Matthew and pushed him up against the wall. He dropped the knife he was once holding to the ground. 

"You think you're any good. You think that you're the shit because you hurt someone and make them feel scared to get up every morning. Does it make you feel strong? How strong do you feel now?" He tightened his grip around the other man's neck. He was trying to wrangle his way out of the hold, but couldn't seem to do it. Dean was beyond pissed. He wasn't going to let Matthew put up a fight this time. 

Matthew didn't say anything, just let out a few choked breaths. He was getting close to being unconscious. Dean dropped him to the ground. Good as this felt, he didn't want to let things escalate too far. 

He picked the knife off the ground and put it back where it was supposed to be, then took out his phone and made a call. A call to the police. 

"911, whats your emergency?" 

"A man broke into my home. He's still in here now, but I've found a way to keep him still for now." 

They asked for his address and such, and he gave it to them. 

Once they arrived and took him away, Dean watched, a feeling of satisfaction in his gut. He didn't care about the messy state his house was in. He didn't care about the door. All he cared about was that the bastard was gone.  

XX

A/N: woah! A lot just happened! But there's still a lot of unanswered questions... 

Hey, at least Matthew is gone.  But that's only the first step in the right direction! 

But anyways, I hope you all enjoyed and I don't know what else to say. I'm glad you all are enjoying this, this story means a lot to me!


	12. 11.

"Cas!" 

"Cas!" 

"Cas?" 

At first, Castiel though he was hallucinating Dean's voice calling his name, so he just tried to ignore it. He dug his head into his pillow, hoping this wasn't just another nightmare. 

"Cas!" 

"Hey, Cas!" 

He jolted upright once he felt a hand on him and shaking him. He immediately tried to push the person off, afraid. 

"Get off me!" He cried out, not even bothering to look up and see that it was just Dean standing above him. 

"Cas, it's just me!" Dean exclaimed, letting him go. He didn't want to freak him out, that was the last thing he needed. 

Cas took a deep breath, and then looked up just to confirm it was Dean. Sure enough, it was. 

"Oh. Sorry." He said, still breathing a bit heavily. 

"Don't be. You need to not apologize so much. 99 percent of the time, you're doing nothing wrong you know." 

"Okay... sorry." 

Dean tilted his head and let out a sigh. "Cas." 

"I'm... Are you okay? It looks like something happened." 

"Oh. Yeah. Something did happen. Matthew and I kinda... went at it. I finally showed him his damn place, at least for a bit." 

"What happened? Are you okay?" 

"Yeah, I'm perfectly fine. He was in my place when I went back there, he had broken in. I kicked his ass and then called the cops since he broke in. I figured with that he would at least stay gone for a little while. I got off free because I convinced the police he had tried to attack me, so it was all good." Dean was a pretty convincing guy when he wanted something, and what he wanted was not to go to jail. "My place is safe again, I'm getting a new door for the front and I'm hoping I can pick everything up that he ruined and knocked down. But I'll be fine for now, we're all good." 

"Oh. So he's... in jail?" 

"Yeah he is. So you'll be safe for a bit. But you should just stay here. I'll stay with you for a bit too, and check in all of the time. I wish I could expose all that he did to you, but they'd never believe it. They never believe abuse cases, especially from men. It sucks." 

Cas let out a low sigh of defeat, and Dean felt his heart break. "Can you..." He started, but just looked down at the ground instead of finishing. 

"Can I what?" 

"No, don't worry about it. You probably wouldn't want to." 

"Cas, don't do this. You can't just... say half of a sentence and expect me not to want to at least know what you were gonna say." 

"I was just gonna ask if you could stay here for the night. You don't have to. It's just... I still have nightmares and whenever you're around it makes me feel a little safer." 

Dean felt heat rise into his cheeks. He had gotten Cas a room with two beds, so he would be able to sleep in one whenever he wanted to stay with Cas. "Yeah, of course I can. Why wouldn't I?" 

"Well, you said your place was a mess and I just didn't know if you had other things to take care of..." 

"They can wait. It'll be fine." 

"Are you... sure?" 

"I'm sure." Dean pulled his shoes off. He went into the bag he packed for Cas and got out one of the outfits he had packed. They were his clothes, after all. He quickly ran into the bathroom and changed, and then walked back out and sat himself on the bed. 

"Thank you Dean. This means a lot to me." Cas said, smiling weakly over to Dean. 

"No need to thank me." Dean replied, leaning over and switching off the lamp that was in the middle of the beds. 

There were a few seconds of silence that hung between them, but Dean had a burning topic he wanted to bring up, something that had been bothering him since his encounter with Matthew. 

"So. When I was confronting Matthew, he... said something interesting." 

"What?" 

"He said that you told him that you loved me. Is that true?" Maybe it was a bit blunt, but Dean wanted the truth behind this. He couldn't stop thinking about it, it was pulling at the back of his mind ever said Matthew had said it. 

Cas didn't answer for a few seconds. "That's not exactly what I said." 

Dean could tell it was a lie. At least, he was sort of hoping it was. He didn't know why, but the thought of Cas being in love with him made him feel somewhat good. He wanted it to be true. It was an odd feeling and he didn't know why exactly he felt it, but he did. "Then what'd you say?" 

"We got into an argument and he brought you up and I said... I said you made me feel safe and happy, unlike him. And you do. It wasn't a lie, you know." 

Dean could tell from the pause mid-sentence that he was trying to make up something to say. Or maybe Cas did say something like that, but he just didn't want to include the whole love part in there. "See, but that's his job. He should've made you feel way, not me. But I'm glad I make you feel better, I'm glad that I can be the person that helps you get away from him for good." 

"I appreciate you and everything you do for me, Dean." 

Those words sent Dean's heart rate through the roof. "What the fuck..." he mumbled to himself. 

Cas must've heard him because he asked "What?" 

"I just said that I appreciate you too, and I'm willing to help you no matter what." 

"Thank you." 

"You don't have to thank me. I'm not leaving anytime soon." 

Even through the darkness, Dean could see as Cas turned over and gave him a smile. 

XX 

Sam Winchester wasn't expecting a phone call at 4 AM, but that was what he had gotten. 

He shot up, and immediately grabbed his phone off the dresser beside the bed. "I have classes in a few hours, this better be important." 

He looked down at the caller ID, and saw that it was his brother. 

"Dean?" He asked into the receiver, his voice groggy. 

"Yeah, hey." 

"Did something happen? Are you okay?" 

"No, why wouldn't I be?" 

"Dean, you're calling me at 4 AM." 

"Oh, yeah. I'm sorry about that. I just had a... burning question to ask you and I figured now would be the best time." What he meant by that was that Cas had fallen asleep after a few more hours of talking and he had stepped outside of their room. 

"Alright. What is this 'burning question'?" Sam was so confused. His brother sure was a wildcard. What was also strange about this to Sam was that Dean was never the one asking for advice. He didn't know if it was a pride thing or whatever, but Dean never asked about things. So this must have been pretty serious. 

"You're still with Jess, right? That's not the question I wanted to ask, I just wanted to be sure before I ask it." 

"Yes." Sam just decided to go with the flow and not ask what was up with this odd questionnaire at 4 in the morning. 

"Okay, good. Do you think you love her?" 

"I don't 'think' I love her, I know I do." 

"Good, good. Perfect." 

The younger brother let out a sigh. "So what was the question you were going to ask me?" 

"How did you know you were in love?" 

Sam thought for a few seconds. He wasn't going to lie, it was a difficult question. What exactly was the moment he realized that the person he was with was someone he wanted to be with for a long, long time? "Well... I guess I just knew when I realized that I cared about her beyond a friendship or anything else. I'm not saying that friends can't care as much as a significant other, but it's just when you want whatever is best for the person always, and just get happy at the though of them, that's love. At least to me. But there's a million definitions to it, it all depends on the experience and the people involved." 

"Oh." Was all Dean said. 

"Why'd you want to know? Do you think you found someone?" 

"I just have some weird feelings about someone and I just don't know what they are. That's all." 

Sam rarely ever saw this side of his brother, the confused and vulnerable one. He was going to take advantage of it. "So. Tell me about her." 

"It's... fine. Thanks Sam." 

"No, you can't just wake up at 4 AM asking for advice about love and not tell me why and who we're talking about. So tell me. I want the details, Dean. I'll sit here until it's time for my classes if that's what it takes." 

Dean took a deep breath. "You know what, fine. If that's what you want. But first of all, it's not a... she." It felt weird saying that, and he almost didn't want to, but this was his brother, and he trusted him a lot, so if he HAD to tell someone else, it would be him. 

"Oh. Is it that one guy you're always around? What's his name?" 

"Cas." Dean clarified. "And yeah, it's him. And I know it's odd since he's a guy or whatever, but there has to be something beyond a damn friendship here." 

"It's not odd that he's a guy. You don't have to be strictly attracted to females, you know." 

"Yeah, Yeah. I just though I was. But now here I am, telling my brother how I think I'm in love with a man."

"And it's fine that you are. I don't think of you any differently, I never would Dean." 

"Thanks Sammy. I'm just confused on what exactly I'm feeling. It has to be something like love. I just want the best for him because he's been abused and in a bad situation, and I sometimes can't help but feel like I'm the best for him. Plus, his ex even told me that Cas himself said that he loved me before. And I don't know how true that is, but deep down I hope it is because I feel the same about him." 

"I say go for it. But if he's been abused he's probably going to take awhile to warm up to the idea of a new relationship, even if he does have feelings for you. Just keep me updated on how it goes." 

"Yeah, Yeah. Will do. But Sammy?" 

"Yeah?" 

"This stays between us, okay?" 

"Of course. Who exactly would I tell and why would I tell them?" 

"I don't know. Just don't say anything. You're the only one I told this, and the only one that's going to know. Well, except for Cas when the time comes. But for now, between us." 

"Alright, alright. I promise I won't speak a single word about this conversation to anyone." 

"Good. And thanks, by the way. I didn't want to say all of that but since you're my brother I feel like I can and that means a lot." 

"Don't thank me, you know I'm a phone call away if you need me." 

"I know. And I appreciate that." 

They both exchanged their goodbyes and hung up. 

XX 

A/N: HEY ITS BEEN SO LONG IM SO SORRY!! 

But here's a pretty big (in terms of plot) chapter! Dean is finally starting to come to terms with his sexuality and his feelings! Pretty awesome, huh? 

Also, this story is going to be on my priorities list now! It's going to be one of the books I'm planning on finishing during the summer! My classes are wrapping up so it's time for me to get back to writing! 

Hope you all enjoyed, thanks so much for reading!


	13. 12.

When Cas was younger, he thought that the worst thing that could happen to him was losing a pet. When he was 7, his dog had run away. His family had only had the pet for a couple of years, but someone had left the door open, and she had gotten away. 

The dog was nowhere to be found, and it's fate was never known. Cas had cried for days, not wanting to make peace with the fact that his best friend was actually gone. 

His parents had to convince him that it was going to be okay, and that they would get another pet someday. 

Cas didn't want another pet, though. He was convinced that his dog running away was the worst thing to happen to him, and that he would never get over it. 

He has never had an animal since then. 

If only he could go back and time and tell 7 year old him that the dog running away wasn't the worst thing that was going to happen to him, that one day he would be living in a nightmare. That he would end up with an abuser and that he would live everyday wondering if he was going to live or not. That things would get so bad that his best friend would have to step in and that he would have to stay in a hotel just to get away. 

He often wondered how life would be if he has never met Matt, and never ended up in this place, in this hole that was his life. 

He really did feel bad for Dean too. He was a part of the situation as well, all because of him. If he had just walked away, maybe this wouldn't be happening to them. He knew Dean would be pissed to hear him thinking this way, but there were somedays he wished he was stronger. 

As for the whole "being in love with Dean" thing, that was partly true. He felt more for Dean than he did for Matthew by a long shot, and he wasn't sure if that was good or bad. Dean was his best friend. Dean was a STRAIGHT GUY. He would never reciprocate those feelings for Cas. But either way, he wasn't exactly sure what he felt for Dean. He didn't know if he would ever pursue a relationship with him. Relationships only equaled bad things for him, he only had awful experiences pertaining to them. He wasn't going to tell Dean any of this stuff, he was just going to keep this all to himself. Things would go back to normal someday, and they would just be friends like they always were. At least he hoped it would go that smoothly. But given his luck when it came to life, it wouldn't. 

XX 

"You wanna go for a late night car ride?" 

Castiel didn't answer. He didn't hear him at first. 

"Cas? Hey?" 

This time, he did hear him. "Yeah? Sorry I didn't hear you." 

The man smiled at him and Cas felt himself smile back. "I asked you if you wanted to go on a late night car ride with me. I know you love them. And I know I've been gone a lot, so I just wanted to spend more time with you. And watching some boring ass movie isn't going to cut it." 

"Of course, let's go on that car ride." Cas got up and nearly ran out of the door. 

"I know we've been together for awhile now, but you've never told me just why you love late night rides so much. Why do you?" 

Cas thought for a moment. "Well... I guess it's just peaceful for me. I love the stars. The moon. Driving by and seeing all of the lights on the buildings glowing. Seeing the world asleep. It helps clear my mind. My older brother used to take me on drives at night whenever I was uneasy because of things going on around the house, or whenever I would throw fits." 

"Your brother? Gabriel?" 

"Yes, Gabriel." 

"When am I going to meet him? All I ever hear are stories about him." 

"He's... he's dead." 

"Oh. I guess that's why." It was an insensitive response, he knew that. But he wasn't the best with being nice. 

"Yeah, it is." Cas spat back, obviously angry at the rude comment that was made. Why did his boyfriend have to be an asshole about things sometimes? 

"Let's just go on this car ride, yeah?" 

"Yeah, let's do that." Maybe he just slipped up. It happened. At least, that's what Cas told Himself. 

They got into the car and began to drive into the night, and Cas wished he didn't take the night for granted, because that was the last good night that he and Matthew had ever shared. 

XX 

"Dean, I'm gonna go for a walk." Cas announced, standing up from the bed in which he had been spending his entire day. He was bored, and he didn't want to revisit anymore old memories. 

"Cas, it's 3 am. You're going to go for a walk." 

"Dean, what are you? My father? I was telling you I was going for a walk, not asking for permission." A second after the words slipped out, he felt himself throw his hand over his mouth. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that." 

Dean didn't seem the least bit offended, though. "At least have me walk with you or something. I know you probably want to clear your mind but I don't need something awful happening to you." 

"It's fine... I swear." Cas tried to insist, but Dean wasn't having it. 

"How about we drive around for a bit." 

Cas whipped around quickly, staring at Dean. "A late night drive..." He said, and Dean has no idea what the hell that was supposed to mean. 

"Cas? Are you alright? You know what, come on. Let's just drive around for a bit. Maybe it'll make you feel better." 

Cas didn't say anything in response, he just opened the hotel room door and walked towards the car. 

XX 

"You know, this was the last good thing me and Matthew ever did together." Cas suddenly said out loud, staring out the window at the sky. 

"What do you mean? Drive?" 

"Yeah. He knew I liked late night car rides, I always have. My brother used to take me on them." 

"Oh... so that was your thing with him?" 

"Not really. I mean, it makes me remember him, but my brother more so. I've just always loved them because they calm me down and help me clear my mind." 

"Well, let's clear your mind of him right now." 

"I feel good talking about it though. Finally someone listens to me! Everybody just thinks I'm weak." 

"You're not weak. And you can talk about whatever you want, go ahead." 

"I just... I don't know why he turned out violent. I should've expected it. He was always rude about certain things. The night of the last good car ride, he was so unsympathetic when I mentioned my brother. It's not that I wanted him to feel bad for me, it's just that I wanted him to care a little bit. He did that with so many other things, just acted as if I didn't have feelings. He constantly blew me off." 

Dean didn't say anything, he just let Cas continue talking. It was good to let it all out. 

"Do you ever wish you could go back in time? And tell yourself not to do something stupid? I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to not believe Matthew when he told me that he'd treat me good and love me like nobody else could. I wish I could tell myself not to fall for it. But here I am. I fell for it, and I almost cost my own life as well as my best friend's. I always wonder how life would've been if I never met him. We'd be friends, of course. But it would be so much easier. We'd have a normal friendship. Where we hang out and watch football. Not one where you have to constantly save me." 

"Cas... don't say stuff like that. We're friends, and that's what friends do. The circumstances that we're in can't be changed. And even if they were, I'd still help you no matter what." 

Cas didn't say anything as he turned back to the window to look outside. 

The rest of the drive was silent, with only the sounds of the car and the mellow 80s music playing lightly in the background. 

When they got back to the hotel, Dean realized that Castiel had fallen asleep. 

"Hey, Cas!" He called out in an attempt to wake him up. It didn't work. 

He took a few more attempts, but none of them were sufficient. 

He got out and opened the door on the other side. He pulled Cas out and lifted him up. Dean was built and strong from all of his years of working outside and on cars, so carrying Cas wouldn't be that much strain on him. Cas wasn't even that heavy to begin with. 

The only struggle was trying to get back into the hotel room. He fumbled with the door for a few seconds, but then he was finally able to get in. 

He set Cas down on his bed, and as soon as he did, he opened his eyes slightly. "What happened...?" He asked, only half awake. 

"Nothing. You fell asleep, so I brought you back inside." 

"Oh. Thank you." 

Dean felt himself smile at how cute Cas sounded when he was half asleep. "Sleep well. I'll see you tomorrow." 

Cas snored in response. 

XX 

A/N: I had a really bad creative block with this story and it sucked so bad, but now I'm getting back on track. Writer's block is the worst thing that can happen to someone trying to finish a story lmao. But I actually like this chapter and how it came out, I've been doing lots of reading lately so writing has been a BIT easier. 

I hope you all enjoyed and thanks for reading!! Love you all!


	14. 13.

"Cas! Wake up! Cas! WAKE UP!!" 

Cas jolted awake, rubbing his eyes. He was still in the car. 

"What happened?" He asked. 

"Nothing. I just realized you fell asleep so I drove you back home. And you need to wake up and go back inside, because you're not going to sleep in the car all night." 

"Okay. Are you mad at me or something?" 

"No, of course not. I just don't think sleeping in the car is ideal." 

"Matthew. Don't lie. You seem angry." 

"I'm angry Cas. I swear you always do this. When you think I'm mad, you ask me a million times if I am, until I'm actually angry, and then you get upset. Just go back inside. I need to go home." 

That was true. It was starting to become a cycle. He couldn't help but feel he and Matthew were tearing apart. And he didn't want that. It was all his fault. 

He got out of the car. "I'm sorry." He mumbled as he walked back to his place. 

Matthew didn't utter another word to him, he just drove off.

XX 

Cas didn't know how he had been stupid enough to agree with live with Matthew. 

He didn't know if it were because he was naive and wanted to believe that a relationship could still work and that Matthew could change, or if it was because of fear. 

"I think living with me will make us stronger. Don't you, Cassy?" He said with that menacing grin, one that Castiel barely recognized. 

"I don't know." Cas had said at first. He really felt weird about this whole thing. He didn't want to live with Matthew. Their relationship was still strained lately. It wasn't going to work out. 

"Come on. Don't leave me lonely. Please." 

"I'll think about it." 

"No. No thinking. You're moving in with me. I don't want to have to live without you. When I can't see you for a few days, I get really lonely. And do you want me to be upset and lonely?" 

"I said I would..." Cas started, but he was cut off. 

"You're doing it. If you don't, I'll probably end up killing myself. I've felt like doing it because of my loneliness a few times." 

That was enough manipulation for Castiel's mind. 

"Okay. I'll move in with you." 

XX 

Cas assumed that this was how it went for all couples. Everyone argued, right? That's why he took everything that happened between him and Matthew not too serious at first. 

He was of course getting more and more toxic, but Cas didn't think anything of it and just let Matthew bring him down, assuming it was normal. 

He wished he took it serious and didn't let Matthew walk all over him. He wished he realized that he deserved better. 

He wished it didn't take a knife to make him scared of his boyfriend, because Matthew was always awful to him. He just refused to notice it. 

XX 

"Why won't you just hold my hand for once? I swear, you make things a lot harder and dragged out than they're supposed to be." Matthew grumbled, grabbing a basket as they stepped into the store. 

Cas didn't even want to be here right now. Usually, Matthew had just sent him shopping, but today, for some strange reason, Matthew wanted to shop together. And he told Cas that if he refused to go, there would be consequences, and he didn't want to find out what that meant for him. 

"I'm sorry." Cas immediately said, knowing one wrong word or move would set Matthew off, and there would be hell to pay. He reached to grab Matthew's hand, trying to hold onto it as loosely as possible. 

Matthew immediately gripped his frail hand hard, trying his best to show how possessive he was. Cas hated it. 

They got looks, and Cas was pretty sure that it wasn't because they were two men together. Sure, that happened sometimes to them, but for the most part, people were accepting. But that wasn't what they were looking at the couple for. No, it was because Matthew was nearly dragging his boyfriend along, and to the many people that were also shopping, it looked painful. 

When they were finished shopping, Matthew handed the basket filled with their items to Cas. "I need to piss. Take this to self check out and start getting our stuff ready to go. I'll be right out." 

Cas did as he was told, and part of him wishes he had the guts to just run. But then what would he do? Where would he go? It would just be stupid. 

As he was putting the items in bags, he felt a tap on the shoulder. 

He whipped around, expecting Matthew, but instead got a blond girl. 

"Are you okay?" She asked him. He knew exactly what she was referring to. 

"I'm fine, why?" He asked, trying to play it off. With his luck, Matthew would walk out right now. 

The girl cocked a brow. "Was that your..." 

"Boyfriend. The guy I was with was my boyfriend." He said, looking down. 

"Is he... is he okay to you? Is he abusive?" 

Cas didn't know why this girl was asking so many questions. Why did she care, anyways? "He's... he's fine." 

The girl knew that it was lie, but there was nothing she could do about it. "My name's Jo. And for the record, I've been in your shoes before. I know how it feels. And I'm sorry." She embraces him in a hug, and Cas was thrown off. Why was she being so nice to him? After having Matthew around so long, he wasn't used to people being nice. 

"I... It's nice to meet you Jo." Was all he could mange. He wanted to tell her the truth. That when he got home, horrors awaited him. That nothing but torture awaited him in this relationship. But he couldn't. He just couldn't. 

"Who the hell is this?" He heard a loud booming voice call out, and he felt himself jump. Matthew was approaching, anger in his eyes. 

"I just realized that he dropped his wallet and wanted to hand it back to him. That was all." Jo said, quickly saving his ass. 

"Okay, that's nice. Now move on with your life, will ya? Don't try to talk him up. As you can see, he's not available." 

"That's not what..." Jo started but quickly turned to go. Before she was gone, she shot a concerned and sad look to him. He didn't know what to do back, so he just gave her a weak smile. He wanted to burst into tears. 

She didn't know his name, but she really wished he would be okay. But deep down, she knew he wouldn't be. 

XX 

"You're probably thinking of that girl, huh? I know there was something more than your fucking wallet there." Matthew said, giving Cas continuous kicks in the ribs. He grunted in pain, helpless like always. 

Matthew was right, though. He was thinking of that girl. But not for the reasons that Matthew thought. 

What he didn't know, was that the girl was thinking of him too. She was thinking of him and sobbing into her pillow, wishing she had done something. But she knew that if she even tried, things would only get worse. She was in that position before. She knew. 

"I'm so sorry." She said out loud. And then, she began to cry more for him, wishing that her tears were enough so that he never had to cry again. But she knew it was ridiculous to even think things like that. 

All she hoped was that one day he would find a way out, and she hoped that day was extremely soon. 

XX 

Jo wasn't the only person to pity him and ask him questions in public, she was just the first. 

It happened at restaurants. At stores. At the mall. Even places that were supposed to be fun, like the arcade or movies. 

"Are you alright?" They would ask whenever Matthew wasn't in sight. 

"Does he hurt you?" 

"Do you need help?" 

"No." Cas would answer quickly. "I don't need help." Help would only make things so much worse and way more painful. It would cause harder beatings. Nobody was going to be able to stop Matthew. Nobody. 

"Are you sure?" They would ask, as if that was going to do anything. 

"Yes, I'm sure. I swear." Cas lied. He hated lying. Hated it so much. He remembered when he was young, and would cry whenever he lied. He wouldn't be able to sleep if he lied.

Now, lying was just a part of his everyday life, and he wished more than anything that it didn't have to be. 

XX 

Cas opened his eyes slowly, taking in his surroundings. Everytime he woke up, he was convinced Matthew would be standing over him with that sinister ass grin. 

He was still in the hotel, much to his relief? But how had he gotten here? Then it came flooding back to him. Dean said that he had carried him back in here. He felt himself genuinely smile. 

Dean has already done way more for Cas than Matthew ever did. He didn't want to believe it was true. But it was, there was no possible way that the fact could be denied. 

XX 

A/N: another chapter so soon? Am I on a roll? Maybe so. I guess I've been hit by inspiration, clap clap clap. As a writer, it's truly a great feeling. 

Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and how we got to look at the past a bit more. 

Love you all, thanks for reading!!


	15. 14.

The first time Cas showed up to Dean's house, Dean was beyond shocked and surprised. 

Cas was covered in bruises and scars. Dried blood. Tears lingering on his cheeks. 

The two were of course long time friends, extremely close, but Dean didn't know the deep dark parts of Cas's relationship just yet. 

Whenever they hung out, Cas his his scars and the like. He made sure there were no signs. He made about fake stories about he and Matthew so that it seemed like they were a happy couple. He wanted to tell Dean the truth. He just didn't know how. And he knew the consequences would be awful. 

But now, he didn't have a choice. He was in danger. Matthew went crazy. And he didn't have anywhere else that he could go, he had nobody else that cared for him. 

"What happened?" Dean immediately asked, allowing his friend to step inside. Had he been mugged? 

"It's a long story.... you know my boyfriend, right? Matthew?" 

"Yeah. Did he... He did this to you, didn't he?" 

Cas nodded, not wanting to meet Dean's eye. 

"Holy shit." Was all Dean could say. "Holy fucking shit." 

Then, Cas suddenly felt himself come undone, and he began to tell Dean everything. All of the details. That he had been abused for a long time. How stupid he felt. How much he had been hurt. 

He began to cry while talking, and Dean pulled his friend close. He wondered how the hell he didn't see the signs, were there even signs? He didn't know, it didn't matter. His friend's life was in danger. He couldn't help him before, but he could definitely help him now. 

"You can stay here as long as you need. I have clothes. Food. Everything you need. It'll be okay, I promise. I'm here for you, Cas." 

Cas smiled. His face hurt as he did so. "Thank you." 

"Don't thank me. I'm your friend. This is what friends do." 

XX 

Cas regretted answering the phone. He really did. 

"Where the fuck are you?" Matthew spat, and Cas felt himself begin to shake. 

"I'm... not telling you." 

"You do realize I could find you, right? I could track your stupid ass down. You tried to run from me? You're not going to win. If you don't tell me where you are, I'll find you. I swear I will. And the consequences will be awful. You thought it was bad before? It'll be even worse. Tell me where you are. Now." 

Cas felt tears well up in his eyes. Could Matthew really find him? He didn't think so, but the fear in his mind was saying otherwise. And just like always, the fear won. "I'm at Dean Winchester's house." 

"I'm going to come by there tomorrow. And you better come with me. Or I'll kill him. And I'll hurt you worse than ever before." 

XX 

"No. He's not going with you. I don't give a damn what you think you're going to do. He came to my door bruised and bloody. He's not going with you. So take your sorry ass back to where you came from." 

"Oh, fuck you. What are you, speaking for him? Let's have him decide. Caaaaas?" Matthew called out, and Cas stepped forward. 

"So." Matthew said. "Who do you want to go with? Me? Or him? Come on, you know I love you. I don't actually mean to hurt you. It just happens sometimes, sometimes I get too angry..." 

"Oh, bullshit. You're actually going to listen to this shit Cas? He's full of it." 

"I'm sorry, Dean. I have to go with him. I just have to." 

"No you don't. You don't have to-" Dean attempted to say, when suddenly Matthew pulled him by the back of his head and bashed him into the wall, knocking him unconscious. 

Cas let out a gasp, and Matthew grabbed his wrist. 

"Oh, calm down. He'll be fine. I just needed him to shut up. Now let's go. Let's go home." He was squeezing harder and harder, and Cas felt as if something was going to break. 

"Yeah, let's go home." Cas said, not wanting to even look at Matthew. 

XX 

"You okay? You look like you're spacing out." Dean commented, looking at Cas. 

Cas didn't know what to say. He didn't want to tell Dean he was remembering. That wasn't a good thing at all. It couldn't be healthy. 

"I'm fine. Just... feeling weird." Cas told him, because it was true. 

"Weird how?" 

"I don't know. I'm never felt this in my life. I don't feel like me. I feel like nobody. I don't feel like Cas. Who is Cas anyways? I haven't been myself in a long time." 

Dean honestly didn't know what to say. He felt for Cas, of course he did, but he didn't know what he was going through and couldn't give exact advice. Instead of speaking, he simply pulled him close and held onto him. 

Cas quickly clung to him, burying his head into his shoulder. He didn't like being helpless, but he needed comfort at this moment. 

Dean rubbed his friend's back, and then reached up and ran his fingers through his hair. 

Cas would've flinched if this was anybody else, but since it was Dean, he let it happen. He was breathing in his scent, something that was much more comforting than Matthew's scent for some reason, and he closed his eyes once he felt Dean running his fingers through his hair. For a second, he questioned why Dean was doing this, but it didn't matter. It feeling good was all that mattered. 

Dean suddenly pulled back, leaving Cas shocked for a few seconds. 

"I'm gonna go back to my place for a bit. You want anything? I can grab you anything you want." 

"I need something to entertain myself. I have my phone, but honestly, I don't want to go on it. It's just not... appealing to me right now." 

"Okay. Right. I'll get you some magazines and my computer, maybe you can watch some movies on it or something. I'll be right back with that stuff, then I'm going to go do what else I had to do." 

"Thanks, Dean." 

"Don't mention it." 

XX 

Dean did appear a bit later with the things he promised, some magazines, the laptop, and headphones, then left immediately. This left Cas wondered why all of a sudden he was in such a hurry, but he supposed it wasn't anything major. Dean had to do things. Of course he did. Cas couldn't be reliant on him constantly, he knew that. That was just as unhealthy as everything else he was doing to himself. 

Flipping through a magazine, Cas realized something. He was bored. Sure, he had some more stuff to keep himself entertained. But this place was just making him more tired than he was. It was the place where he had been wallowing in his sorrows the past few days, it was just giving off negative vibes right now. 

He had to go somewhere else, take a walk around and see some other places. He couldn't stay here and be sad, at least not right now. 

He went to shower and get on some new clothes(that happened to be Dean's), and decided to take a nice walk and see what was around. 

He smiled and opened the hotel door, feeling refreshed as the sun hit his face. 

XX 

Cas ended up finding a coffee shop. With free WiFi. 

So, he went back to the room to get the laptop that Dean gave him. 

He knew he could scroll through the internet back at the room, but that wasn't what he wanted. He wanted a different environment for now. 

So, here he was, with a coffee and the laptop open. 

The shop was a nice environment, nice music playing in the background, college kids everywhere. Some were alone on laptops, while some were in groups. 

He put on a comedy movie while he sipped his coffee, enjoying every moment of it. For a little while, he didn't have a single thought about Matthew. 

Then, he launched Google. Into the search bar, he typed "How to get over an abusive relationship". He knew it was dumb to ask the Internet things like that, but it was question he was pondering for quite some time himself. The past few nights in the hotel that he had spent crying and having nightmares, he wondered how long this would last. Would it be forever? 

He began to scroll down the page, seeing that there were SO MANY pages of people asking the same thing. So many people that were in the same predicament as him. 

"Are you okay?" He heard from behind him, and he pulled out his headphones and turned to see a red headed girl behind him. 

"Yeah... why?" He told her, closing the tab he had open. 

"I know it's not my business... but I was just getting my coffee and I saw what you were searching. Hopefully it's for a book or something... but I just had to be sure. I'm really sorry to be so nosy. I really am." 

"I'm..." 

She took a seat at the table, right across from him. "You were looking it up for you; weren't you?" 

Cas simply nodded. He didn't want to lie. 

"Are you still in it? The relationship, I mean." 

"No. It's been over. But the memories and the nightmares aren't, and I don't know how long it'll last." 

"You know, the only reason I'm being so nosy and the reason that I approached is you is because... I had a friend in an abusive relationship. And it killed me to see her like that. I did all I could, and she always felt shitty." 

"Is she okay now?" 

"Kind of. Like, she's obviously moved on. She has a new relationship. She has a dog. But, sometimes she tells me she still has nightmares and remembers all of the bad stuff." 

"So... it doesn't end?" 

"I feel like it's different for everyone. I've known more people who have dealt with abuse, and everyone has been extremely different. Some of the people I knew never got into new relationships. But Jo, she was the one I was closest with, so I knew the most details." 

It couldn't be. But Cas couldn't help but ask anyways. "Wait... Jo? Does she happen to have blond hair?" 

"Yeah... you know her? Jo Harvelle?" It really was a small world after all, apparently. 

"We met in a grocery store one time when my boyfriend was being really aggressive and she approached me and told me she was in an abusive relationship once too. That was awhile ago, though." 

"I remember her mentioning that one time. That she saw a guy in a store and she came home crying because she couldn't help him. That was you? I'm Charlie, by the way." 

"I'm Cas. And wait... she cried?" 

"Yes. She told me she didn't want anyone else in that position." 

"Well, I'm free now. The only problem is... my mind isn't. I can't stop thinking about everything that happened, and crying about it." 

Charlie looked down at the table for a moment. "Just know that you're strong. And don't let him have a hold on you anymore." 

"I don't. I felt disconnected from him for awhile. I only stayed with him out of fear. He threatened to kill me and my friend. At first, I kept running back to him because I felt like there was a void in my life without him. But after that, he just scared me. And I fell for it." 

Charlie reached over and gave Cas' hand a squeeze. "I'm glad you're out of it now, though. Recovery will take awhile. But it'll pass. You're obviously ready to move on from it and live without thinking about it, which is good. Your abuse doesn't define you, you don't have to let it. Take it one day at a time. You'll get there. And don't ever blame yourself. Your ex is awful for doing that to you. You deserve better, and I hope you find happiness." 

Cas was skeptical about sharing with her at first, but now, he was happy that he did. She was right. His abuse and past relationship with Matthew didn't define him. He was Castiel, nothing more, nothing less. And he planned to get through the nightmares and the self blame, one day at a time. 

"Thank you so much. That means so much to me." 

"You're welcome Cas. I'm glad to have met you. I hope everything goes well with you. I'll be sure to tell Jo that you're doing okay, I'm sure she'd like to know. Oh, and..." She trailed off, grabbing a napkin off of the table, a pen out of her pocket, and scribbling something down. She handed him the napkin a few seconds later. "It's my number. In case you need anything, or just want to talk." 

"Thanks. I'm actually staying at a hotel nearby with my friend for now, but I'll be going back home soon hopefully. He lashed out really bad." 

"Stay safe. Please. I know we just met, but I don't want to see another person hurt from abuse." She shook her head. Fuck. I know you're already hurt, and that you've been hurt various times. I just don't want you to be hurt even more. I hate abusive people, I hope your life is good. You deserve it. I wish I could do so much more for you... I feel so helpless. Just like I did with Jo." 

"Thanks again." Cas told her, looking down at the napkin for a split second. "It means a lot to have people like you in the world. I appreciate it. Really, I do. I'll definitely message you sometime. Thanks again." 

He closed his computer, shoved the napkin in his pocket and gave her a smile. 

"It's no problem." She told him, smiling back. 

He left the shop, a smile still on his face. Charlie of course didn't take everything away that had happened and he knew it was going to take awhile to heal, but she made his day, and at the moment, that was all that mattered. 

XX 

"Where were you?" Dean asked as soon as Cas stepped back into the room. "I was so worried about you." 

"I found a coffee shop. I had to leave here for a little while. It was making me too sad. And I'm glad I did." Cas told him, sitting down on the bed and smiling. 

"I mean, it's good that going there made you happy. I was just scared something else happened to you." 

"Nothing did." Cas assured him, taking the napkin out of his pocket and unraveling it. He grabbed his phone. He at least wanted to put Charlie's number in his contacts. She really did make his day, and he knew it couldn't be a bad thing to expand his support system. 

"What's that? Did you..." Dean trailed off. He didn't know why he was feeling a bit of jealousy. Did Cas meet somebody? Was that why he was so happy? 

"I met a friend at the shop. Her name was Charlie. She gave me a good talk and I appreciated it." 

"Oh, that's cool. I'm glad you had a good day. I'm sorry I was gone for so long. I had to clean around the house and fix things up." 

"It's fine." Cas told him. "I'm gonna go to sleep in a few minutes, I'm really tired." 

"That's fine." Dean looked over to him, realizing that he was wearing his clothes. Which he looked beyond good in. He quickly averted his eyes and pretended to be fixated with his phone. 

Cas got himself ready and got under the covers. He was asleep within seconds. 

Dean, hearing the snoring, couldn't help but smile. 

XX 

A/N: can I just say I rewrote this like 6 times and I don't know why? Oh well, I'm kind of happy with this finished product. 

Something I'd like all of you readers to remember is that everyone's experience with abuse is different. Everyone deals with different things. And people deal with the after effects differently. Everyone gets over it and moves on differently. Just like Charlie said. 

Anyways, hope you all enjoyed, thanks for much for reading!!!


	16. 15.

Dean couldn't help but feel that he leading Cas on a bit. 

He tried to avoid the thoughts, but they kept plaguing his mind. 

He contemplated calling Sam, but as of recent it seemed as if he only called his brother for advice, and he decided that he would handle this himself. He usually wasn't so reliant on the advice of others, he usually marched to the beat of his own drum, but this was something that he didn't have much experience with. 

He had been in relationships before. Plenty, actually. But they were all nothing, they were all meaningless compared to this. He had felt connected to all of his previous partners(well, most of them), but with Cas the connection was so much more the different. The two men had been friends for the longest. They had bonded over so many things, and spent countless days hanging out, drinking countless beers. 

He even remembered when Cas first came out to him, during a Super Bowl commercial. At the time, Cas was living a bit farther away, so hanging out wasn't that common of an occurrence. He and Matthew were already together at the time. 

"Dean, I need to tell you something." 

"Dude. These are NEW commercials. We can't miss them." 

"But I didn't want to talk during the game. It'll be quick. I promise." He took a look at Dean's annoyed expression. "Forget it. I'll wait until it's all done." 

"No. I'm curious now. Tell me. I don't care about this stupid ass Taco Bell commercial anyways. It's lame." 

Cas decided not to waste any time. "Well... I'm gay. I have a boyfriend. And we're going to be living together." 

Of course, every friend wonders why they couldn't have seen the signs. But Dean didn't know what the signs were anyways. It wasn't the Stone Age. Anybody could be gay, and it shouldn't matter. And it didn't. "I'm not shocked about the gay part. You know I'm cool with it. You're moving in with him? How come I never met him?" 

"Because that would mean that I would have to tell you that I'm gay. And I wasn't exactly ready for all of that." 

"Well, thanks for trusting me enough to tell me." 

"Thanks for not freaking out or making it out to be a big deal." 

"It's not. What IS a big deal is that you're moving in with him and all of that. Tell me about him." Dean was happy for him, little did he know the misery that Cas went through everyday because of the guy. 

"His name is Matthew." Cas didn't know what else to say. 

"Okay, and how long have you guys been together." 

"Awhile. That's why we decided to move together." 

"Well, I'm happy for you. Where are you guys going to move to?" 

"Don't know yet. He wanted me to move in with him, but I think finding a new place all together will be better." 

"There's a place renting right around here. It's a few houses down. You guys should check it out. Maybe you'll like it. Plus, we can chill more since you'll be closer." 

Cas smiled. We can look into it. "Thanks Dean. For telling me and for being so cool about it. The only reason I was a bit nervous was because you were and guy and you know..." 

"No, I get it. Just because you're gay doesn't mean you're attracted to every guy you meet, just like I'm not attracted to every girl I meet. I get it, and nothing is gonna change. In fact, I'm excited at the chance for us to hang out more. You should definitely look into the new place." 

"We will. Thanks again." 

"No problem. Hopefully one day I can meet this Matthew." 

"You will." 

The two turned back to the game then, not even caring that they had missed all of the new commercials. 

Dean wished he had known sooner about what an asshole Matthew was, he wished it didn't take Cas showing up at his doorstep to figure it out. 

He knew there was no way that he could've possibly done that, but he still felt guilt. 

But now, he has this situation on his hands. Dean had feelings for Cas, and didn't want to be too pushy. 

He put himself in the other man's shoes. If Cas was the one who would hold his hand, comfort him, and get so close to him, he would be pissed. He would want Cas to tell him how he really felt. 

He knew Cas was a sweetheart and wouldn't pressure Dean at all to tell him anything, but Dean still felt that those repressed feelings and the need to actually be told how Dean were probably somewhere in Cas's heart. They had to be. He couldn't like being led on. 

He probably thought Dean was just a straight guy being nice. Just being a friend. 

But the truth was, he did like Cas. The only reasons he didn't say anything as of yet were that it would mean he would have to out himself, and that he didn't know if Cas would want to jump into another relationship or anything like that just yet. 

Dean was never in an abusive situation, but he knew enough to know that getting out of it didn't mean you were ready to date somebody else. It was just common sense. Cas was able to recover at his own pace, and he was going to let him. Even if it was true that Dean's feelings were reciprocated, it didn't mean that a relationship was wanted or needed. 

And until he was going to tell him, he was going to try and lay off. 

XX 

Cas was all alone. Dean went to go do some stuff, go to work and see what was up, and that was fine with Cas. 

He hated being left to his own devices because of the nightmares and the inevitable thoughts about Matthew. But now, none of that mattered. He appreciated Dean dearly, but now he had someone else to talk to, which was equally as cool, and was much better than being left alone. Even if he was trying to feel better about this whole situation, it wasn't easy. 

He didn't think about it, he just called the number that Charlie had given him. She picked up after only a few rings. 

"Hey!" She said, just as bubbly as the day he first met her. He wondered what it would be like to be a person like her, so outgoing and happy. 

"Hey." He said back, not knowing what else he could say. Unlike her, he was shy and sort of awkward. 

"Are you okay? What's up?" 

"I'm fine." 

"Oh, I just figured you were calling because you were in trouble, I just had to be sure!" 

He smiled. It was odd having more than one person genuinely care about him. "No, I'm good! I was just bored and wanted someone to talk to." 

"Oh, I get it. Well, I'm here! I almost always have my phone near me or in my hand, so I'll always be here to pick up your calls, trust me." 

"Thanks." 

"No need to thank me. Wait! You know who I'm with right now? I'm with Jo. She's over mine. She's just in the bathroom, I'll tell her who I'm talking to when she comes back!" 

He couldn't believe how small the world was, and how he was going to talk to someone who he met at a grocery story so long ago. It was insane, actually. But he wasn't going to question the motives of the universe. At least, for once, they were letting something good happen. "Okay! It's crazy to think that I'll be talking to her, the world really is small isn't it?" 

"Yeah, it sure is." Then, in the background, Cas heard a voice saying "Who are you talking to?" He recognized it. It was Jo, all right. 

"It's Cas. Remember, I told you I met him the other day, and you know him too! Here, I'll put it on speaker." 

"Cas?" Jo asked, and he could practically see one of her eyebrows raising. 

"Yeah, it's me." He told her. 

This time, he could practically see her smile. "Oh, my god. That's crazy. You know, I never thought I'd ever hear from or see you again. I thought about you so often, though. Since that day." 

"You did?" He asked. He did think a few times of her, wondering how she had gotten out of the hellhole that was an abusive relationship. 

"Yeah. I did. Since I was in that situation, I didn't want anyone to ever feel that. Even someone I didn't know. If I'm being honest, I wouldn't wish that on anyone." 

"I wouldn't either. It's the worst feeling. I'm glad I have my best friend Dean, though. If it weren't for him I'd be dead right now." 

"I'm sure he played a big part. But it was also you. It's hard to get sucked back in, even when your friends want to help you. Sometimes you're blinded by the manipulation. So don't think you're not strong either." 

Hearing this, he felt a wave of happiness rush over him. It was good to hear those words. He didn't think he needed them, but he sure did. "Thank you. I'm glad we're both out of the situation." 

"Yeah, me too. Where's the asshole now?" 

"Last time I checked, he went to jail for breaking and entering, trying to come for me. He's probably out now and looking for me, but I honestly could care the less. He's not going to find me, and even if he does, he's not going to get me back. I don't care about him anymore. He made me miserable throughout the whole relationship. Maybe a month was good, but the rest was awful. And we dated for YEARS." 

"See! You're moving on and realizing that he was awful to you, that's a big step!" Charlie piped up. 

"Yeah, it is a big step. You can recover and all of that at your own pace, but this is big. It's good to realize that he was bad to you, and that the situation was beyond wrong. That takes a lot, trust me it does. One day you'll move on entirely. It doesn't define you. It was just a shitty part of your life that you pushed through." Jo said, and she was so sincere that Cas could even hear her choking back tears. 

Cas couldn't believe this. He had just met and began talking to these girls, and they were already giving him amazing advice. It was great having a best friend like Dean, but having someone who knew the pain and how hard it was to break free felt just as good. "Thank you. The same goes for you. Sometimes, we meet shitty people in life. And they try and manipulate and hurt us, and sometimes it works for awhile. But in the end, we're not the weak ones, they are." 

"Exactly. I'm glad to see that you're okay now, Cas. Like, I can't believe this right now." 

"I can't either. But hey, I guess it's a good thing, right?" 

"Yeah, it is a good thing. A REALLY good thing." 

Cas heard a car pull up, and peeked out of the hotel door. Sure enough, it was Dean. 

"I'm gonna do now. Thanks so much for everything." 

"It's not a problem." Jo told him. 

"Bye!" Charlie called. 

He smiled as he hung up. It wasn't that he didn't want Dean to know about his friends, there was nothing to hide, of course there wasn't. He just didn't want Dean to walk in on the conversation and feel awkward or not know what to say. That would be bad.

Dean entered the room a few seconds later. "What's up, Cas?" He said, smirking. "You seem like you're doing really good, and I'm glad." 

"I am. You know, I've been thinking about it. And it's about time. Time that I move on. I don't care about Matthew anymore, and there's no way he could get to me, even if he tried. He was just a shitty part in my life, and it's about time that I recognize it as that. I'm over him. He doesn't deserve any of my pain anymore." 

Dean couldn't believe this. He was ecstatic, words couldn't even describe it. Seeing a friend, his BEST friend, finally deciding happiness over all else and finally not letting this horrible person control him was amazing. "Wow... I'm so happy for you, Cas. You deserve to be happy. I'm so glad that you're being strong like this. So glad." 

"Thanks, Dean. I couldn't have done it without you." Cas got up and pulled the other man in for a hug. 

Dean didn't hesitate to hug back. "You're my best friend. Of course I'll always help you. But this was all you too. Remember how many times you went back to him? I couldn't help that. This is all you." 

"I wish I wasn't so stupid..." He couldn't help but say, instantly regretting it because that was the mentality he was trying to avoid now. 

"No, I didn't mean it like that. He was an awful person who made you believe that he loved you when he didn't. It's not your fault." 

"You're right. It's not. He's awful. But, that's not a part of my life that I'm going to let define me. Day by day, I'm going to try and get over it more and more. One day, I won't even remember his name." It was a slight exaggeration, but he got his point across. He hated Matthew. Genuinely hated him. The pain that he had caused him was inexcusable. 

"You're right. You won't. Nobody will. Piece of shit." 

"You took the words right out of my mouth." 

XX 

A/N: wowowowwo this story is almost over guys!! Not that many chapters left. As we can see, big developments are made. 

Remember, your abuse doesn't define you. It's not something that was "meant" to happen to you, it's not something that "shapes" you. Sure, it's something that may change you a lot, but it DOES NOT define you and does mean you can't live happy afterwards. 

Thanks for reading, all the love!!


	17. 16.

At first, Dean didn't believe it. He thought that his eyes must have been deceiving him. 

Cas was back at the hotel, and Dean had just gone to the bank to get some money, and then went home for a second, and that was when he saw it. 

Matthew, outside, walking on the sidewalk. Leering around like the fucking weirdo he was, probably wondering where Cas was. Dean wondered if he had come by to check here yet. It wouldn't be all that surprising, if he was being honest. Matthew had probably come banging on the door and making a fool of himself. He probably tried to peer in the windows, too. Dean laughed at the idea. 

Dean didn't want to stick around, in case he came back. It wasn't that he was afraid of him or anything, he would NEVER be afraid of that coward, he just didn't feel like dealing with him. Cas wanted to move on, Dean would have to as well. He still wanted to hurt him even more, for what he did to his friend, but he didn't want to cause anymore problems. Cas was finally trying to be happier, why would he ruin that? 

He waited until the man turned away, and began walking out of sight. Dean wanted more than anything to jump behind him and beat his ass again, but he fought off the urge. 

He got back into his car and drove off, contemplating whether to tell Cas about this or not. 

XX 

Charlie and Jo made a group chat. It was easier and more quick to text rather than to call, so they decided to make it so that the three of them could communicate quicker. 

This made Cas unbelievably happy. He had more friends now, and ways to talk to them. When he was with Matthew, he was barely allowed to even see Dean, the only time he ever visited was when he needed to run over there when Matthew got too crazy. When he looked back at his relationship, it was more toxic than he had thought. He wasn't allowed to see his friends or go anywhere alone, but as soon as Matthew wanted to go out and he questioned, he would get beat nearly to death and screamed at as if he weren't human. 

If he were still in that awful place with that awful human, would he even be alive right now? How much worse would things be? Matthew had tried to kill him with a knife, sure, but he also hurt him to death several more times. The knife was just he most scary, because he knew it meant death. The other times, he had no idea how far it was going to go. 

He heard the door open, and Dean stepping inside. 

"I saw him today." Was the first thing Dean said, which led to Cas furrowing his brows. 

"What? Who?" He of course knew exactly who, but he didn't believe it and hoped that Dean meant somebody else. 

"Matthew. I saw him, just strolling around mindlessly. I think he was looking for you." He shrugged, hoping he didn't scare Cas with any of this. 

"You think? He definitely was. You know what, I don't really care. He can look all he wants but he won't find me." 

Dean smiled. "You're right. He won't." He watched as Cas stared off into the distance, obviously deep in thought. "You okay?" 

"Yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking about what would happen if he did end up finding me at some point or something." 

"Well, I'd beat his sorry ass." 

"No." Cas said, turning to look at him. "I would. I'm not scared of him anymore, he doesn't have any power over me. I'm not a damsel in distress anymore." 

"Cas, you never were. You were just scared and manipulated. I don't know how many times I gotta tell you this." 

"I know, but it still makes me feel weak sometimes. But at least that part of my life is over now, right?" 

Dean nodded, and silence made it's way over the two. "You know what makes me sick?" Dean asked after a few seconds. 

"What?" 

"That he just gets out and gets to walk free. Don't you want him to be punished?" 

"Well yeah, but no matter what happens it'll never amount to everything he did to me." 

"Yeah, but couldn't you at least press charges or something?" 

"I guess. But what would I do? Get some money? Wow. Totally takes back the sleepless nights I had. Totally takes back the nightmares. Totally makes me trust everyone now. Yeah, money will be great. It's like when they give money to people who lost someone. It can help, sure, but in the end, it doesn't bring the person back." 

Dean wasn't expecting all of that. "Sorry. I was just wondering if you ever would want to do that." 

"As of now, it's a no. As of now, I'm more worried about getting myself back on track than worrying about him or trying to get him to pay back in some half assed way." 

Dean wouldn't push it anymore, he supposed. 

XX 

Cas looked over. Dean was sleeping in the other bed, laying on his back. 

He smiled over at the sight and then grabbed his phone. He opened it and texted Jo's number, copying it from the group chat. 

Cas: "Jo, you on?" 

She text back a few minutes later. 

Jo: "Yeah, what's up?" 

Cas: "Your abuser... did you ever take him to court? Or want to? My friend was talking about it today and I was just wondering. You don't have to answer." 

Jo: "I tried. It was a mistake. Grueling days on end standing there and talking about what I went through, crying on the stand, only to get nothing in return." 

Cas: "They didn't believe you?" 

Jo: "Oh, they believed me. They just said that he was too 'inept and didn't know what he was doing.' Which is complete bullshit, if you ask me. He knew exactly what he was doing. But because he had a history of mental illness, they treated him like the victim. Not me. I wouldn't advise doing it, it causes more pain than anything. If you want to just move on with your life, do that. But if you want to try, you should. Do whatever you want." 

Cas: "I'm not going to. I just want this part of my life to be in the past, honestly." 

Jo: "As you should. I'm happy for you, I'm glad you're doing what's best for you. You deserve it." 

Cas: "Thank you, Jo." 

Jo: "Not a problem. All the love and power to you. :)" 

Cas smiled, texted her a smiley back in response, and then turned his phone off. 

He really was doing what was best for him, and that was all mattered. There was so much more to do too, and he couldn't wait. 

XX 

A/N: hey! Short chapter, yIkEs. BUT, I sat myself down the other day and figured out how long this story was going to be! It's gonna have 20 chapters all together, and then there's going to be an epilogue. We're really getting close to the end here y'all! This story has always meant a lot to me, and I can't believe all of the support it's gotten over time. It BLOWS my mind. 

As always, thanks for reading, all the love to you!


	18. 17.

Cas wished his bruises would just fade already. He hated looking at them. Before, he hated them because he never saw his skin anymore since Matthew kept putting them on him, he hated not being able to wear short sleeves or show any of his skin. 

Now, he hated them simply because they served as a reminder. Matthew didn't only scar his mind, but his body. And he hated it. Some of them were starting to go, which was something he hadn't seen in a long time. Usually, there would be new ones before the old one even faded slightly. The old ones never went away either, Matthew made sure they kept coming back. 

Cas wondered if this was his sick twisted way of "claiming" him. He did call it that, one time. 

"What are you looking at?" Matthew had asked, and Cas quickly went to roll up his sleeve. He was staring at the new and old bruises that were on his skin. He couldn't believe it. It hurt to even lean on either of his arms slightly because of them. 

"Answer me." Matthew said, through gritted teeth. 

Cas couldn't even look at him, after seeing all of those bruises. "Why do you have to do this to me? I have so many marks on me, can't you just stop for one day?" At the time, he wondered why he was bothering to plead with Matthew. It wasn't going to work. 

"Oh, come on. Not that bad. Shows that you're mine, doesn't it?" 

"No, why would it? That doesn't make any sense at all. They show that you hurt me. More times than one." 

Matthew only got closer. He smiled that sick and twisted smile. "Are you questioning me? Come on, sometimes you deserve it. Look at the way you're talking to me now. If anybody asks, just say it was me claiming you." 

Cas didn't respond, instead just turned away, waiting for Matthew to step away. What did that even mean? Cas felt as though he was nothing more than Matthew's prisoner sometimes. His life felt like the kidnapping horror stories that you saw on TV, Matthew reminding him of all of the predators. They all wanted one thing. Power. Manipulating weak people like Cas was how they got it.

Things like thinking about that made him want the bruises gone more. Matthew wasn't in his life anymore, he was finally starting to move on and find clarity. He didn't need these little reminders everytime he tried to shower, or even put some new clothes on. 

Soon, Matthew would be gone forever. 

XX 

"I think I'm gonna start looking for jobs. I need something to do. I can't stay here and do nothing, you know?" Cas told Dean, looking at himself in the mirror. 

"Yeah, I get it. We can start looking around." Dean replied. He thought that this was good, Cas really was getting better. 

"He never let me have a job, you know. He always told me he would have all the money we needed. Then I would ask why he would get angry when he didn't have enough to pay rent, because I could help. I think he didn't want me to have any extra money. Sometimes he would send me out to get stuff, and would always make me give him back change, and if it wasn't a certain amount... I think you know what would happen." 

"He just wanted to be bigger and better than you in every way. He's just fucked in the head. But we can go and look." 

"Yeah, that'll be fine. Can we go now?" 

Dean wasn't expecting him to be this ready to do these things, but he wasn't going to argue it. It was actually so amazing. "Yeah, sure. I'm just gonna run in the bathroom. I have some stuff to do too. We can just run a bunch of errands and call that a damn day." 

And then they were off. 

XX 

There were those certain people that were fun to run errands with. People that would make them seem a little less like errands, and would make things go by much easier and quicker. 

Dean didn't usually like having people along with him when he was running errands, but Cas was one of the good people. 

Dean knew he was excited to do his own thing, but Cas didn't complain at all when Dean had to make his stops, and when he took awhile. He even offered to wait with him at places that had long lines, just to talk to him and make him a BIT less miserable having to do his adult responsibilities. 

Dean didn't know if he had ever seen Cas whine or complain like most people did everyday, it was something that he admired about him. Cas could be a pushover and just let things happen to him, but that wasn't the part that Dean admired. Dean admired that even though Cas has been through so much shit, he was still resilient and strong as hell. Dean could only imagine what he would be like in a situation like Cas's. There were so many people that ended up in terrible places because of it, some of them even dead. He was glad that none of that happened to Cas, glad that his best friend was still here and fighting. 

Not that Cas was in a perfect mental state, because he wasn't, but being an abusive relationship to that degree would scar anybody. It just amazed Dean how Cas didn't want to give up, no matter what. 

"I think the mall would be a good place to search for a job, wouldn't you?" Dean asked, turning down the classic rock that was blaring through the car radio so that his friend could hear him. Cas was staring out of the window, looking quite peaceful, if Dean was being honest. This was the life Cas deserved, one where he didn't constantly have to live in fear. 

"Yeah, that would be good." The blue eyed man replied. "I'm sure there has to be a position open in one of those stores." 

"Oh, I'm sure. Have you ever worked in retail or anything like that?" 

"My first job was at a small bookstore if that counts. But sadly, I don't have too much experience since Matthew basically told me I couldn't do anything with myself." 

"Asshole." Dean muttered. "But there's also food service jobs and all of that, I'm sure you'll be a good fit for all of them." 

"You really think? I'm not really as eccentric and outgoing as you, Dean." 

"You're smiley. Happy. Willing to learn things. They'll eat that up. Trust me. And it's not like you're a hermit. You'll be fine." 

Cas smiled. Dean always knew how to make him feel better. He never really had much confidence in himself, but after being with Matthew, it almost felt as though it was all but gone. Cas didn't even feel like Cas sometimes, just another person who's time was coming. At least he didn't have to worry about that anymore. 

At the mall, Dean looked around in all of the stores while Cas inquired about applications and put them in if he could. Dean wanted to help him, but thought it would be better if Cas just did this on his own. He didn't want to seem like he was trying to baby him, because he was. Sure, he could get a but overprotective, but he wasn't like Matthew. He wanted Castiel to be his own person, to do his own thing and just live life the way he wanted to. 

After a few hours of running from place to place, Dean and Cas sat in the food court, at a table across from each other, large pieces of greasy mall pizza sitting in front of them. 

"I don't know what to do. I mean yeah, I might be getting a job. But it's going to be awhile until I get enough to be able to rent a place. And I can't live in a hotel until then, because that's so much money." Cas said suddenly, picking at the pizza crust. 

"Don't worry about that. You can stay with me until you save up enough, or just whenever you're ready. You know I want to help you." 

"Dean, I couldn't-" 

"I don't know why you feel bad whenever you ask me for help. I want to help you, to be there for you. You're my best friend." 

"You sure? I could pay a bit each month to help out with rent and stuff, I could-" 

"I'm fine. I have enough to pay it myself. You need to just have a place where you don't have to worry.  
And you can stay there. I don't live with anybody. I have an extra room I could clean out, where you could stay. Trust me. And when it's time, I can help you apartment search." 

"I don't want to be a-" 

"Don't even finish that, because I can assure you, you're not whatever you were just going to say. It'll be fine. Everybody needs a bit of help to get themselves back on their feet. It's nothing to be ashamed of." 

"I... I won't know how to repay you." 

"You know how? Be happy, live your life as you should. That's how you can repay me. With the promise that you'll live just as you always should have." 

"And how's that?" 

"Happy. Without a care in the world. Not without fear." 

"I'll try, it'll just be hard. There's just... I have so much wrong with me after what happened, I'll be lucky to ever have a normal relationship without me freaking out all the time anymore." 

"You will. You don't need it right away. It's gonna take time. But there's no doubt in my mind that you'll get there." 

"Thanks, Dean. It means a lot, all that you do for me." 

"Don't mention it." 

"I think I'm gonna go a few more places, and then we can leave. I'll check out the hotel and we can work on cleaning out that spare room that you have." 

Dean smiled. "That sounds good." 

XX 

As soon as Cas was absolutely sure that he had been to all of the possible places he wanted to work, he and Dean headed back to the hotel, just as he had said before. 

"What do I do if I don't get a job there? It would be a waste of the whole day." 

"You will. And if you don't, there are tons of other places around. There's something out there that'll work out. Don't worry. And I'm sure something will work out, you applied to so many places. One at least is going to call back." 

"I'll take your word for it." 

They packed all of the things that Cas had at the hotel, and drove back to Dean's place. The spare room wasn't as messy as he thought it was, so it didn't take long to clean things out. Just some clothes and boxes of shit he didn't use, things that could be easily moved into the basement. He was just too lazy to do it before. 

"I have a blow up mattress you can use, I'm going to go get it. If you need anything else, just let me know. I know this isn't the best arrangement, but I guess it was kinda last minute." 

"It's fine. Thank you, Dean. This really means a lot to me. And once I start work, I am going to help you pay things. That I can promise you." 

"You're persistent with things like this, huh?" Dean commented, chuckling. "I guess that's fine. Just as long as you make sure to put some aside for a place of your own, I don't want you to be stuck here because you think that you have some debt to repay. Because you don't." 

"Okay, Dean. It just feels right, you know? Of course I'm going to save up for myself. I just feel bad living here and not doing anything for you, after all you've done for me. That's it." 

"I know." Dean said, pulling him in for a hug. Feeling Cas hug him back made him happy in ways that he couldn't even describe. "You're the most goddamn caring guy I know. And I love that about you. You always want to make sure everybody is happy." 

Cas laughed. "Because why be mean when you can make people smile?" 

He was precious. 

XX 

"Yeah. Okay. I'll have to see. Insurance might cover it? I don't know, I would have to check with them. I have to renew everything. I can get back to you when I find out for sure, though. Yeah. Okay, that wouldn't be problem either." 

Dean listened as Cas talked on the phone, wondering who the hell he could be talking to. He didn't mean to be nosy, but he couldn't help but listen in either. 

He had slept well last night, knowing that Cas was in a safe place, knowing that he was here and would be fine. It was the biggest relief. Cas was finally safe, and would be going on with living life normally again soon. Dean was so happy for his friend, he couldn't even express it. 

After he heard Cas say goodbye to whoever was on the other end, he opened the door and stepped into the room. 

"Who was that?" Dean asked. "Not be like, nosy or anything. I was just wondering. Did work get back to you already?" 

"No. It wasn't that. I was... on the phone with a therapist. One of my friends who was in this situation before recommended her to me, said that talking to her made her feel better. I thought I'd give it a shot." 

"What'd she say?" 

"That it'll be fine, there's not a waiting list currently, but it's expensive. And I need to work out insurance, and see if they'll cover it. If not, it'll have to wait, I guess." 

"I can help you pay for it." 

"Dean, no. It's my therapy, it was my choice to see her. You shouldn't have to pay for it. That's where I draw the line." 

"I'm just saying, you shouldn't have to wait just because of the cost." 

"Listen, I'm sure it'll end up being covered, at least somewhat. And I can pay the difference." 

"Okay. If that's what you want. I don't want you to think I'm being too much, and trying to push you into stuff." 

"No, it's fine. You're just the person closest to me, and you want to help me. I get it. I'll be fine. I promise." 

"Whatever you say. I'll take your word for it. I just care about you a lot, you know." 

"I care about you too. Don't work yourself up over me. I'll be fine. At least I'm trying to be." 

XX 

A/N: oh my god, has it really been September since I've updated?? I'm really sorry. I hope you all didn't forget about me, haha. 

I know I said before that this was all planned and whatever, but since then, I've scrapped the original plan. I just didn't like it at all honestly, that's why I was so reluctant to write. I felt like I was so backed into a corner. But I could never give up on this story, it's too important to me. We've got a bit more to go. Not too much, but there's still some story to be told. 

I'm sorry for the short chapter, hopefully the next one won't take as long!! Thanks for always sticking by and reading this story even with my piss poor excuse of an update schedule, love u all always! <3


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